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When I finally got my GF I thought that my life would change that I would no longe, feel pain or sorrow ever again. My hopes were up but I was wrong. We broke up. I lost my feelings of happenis. The only reason I want a GF is cus I live alone and it seems I can't choose to ever be happy. I have no friends I know they only pretend. I always thought I was born to suffer. Is that my exsistance. I only act happy. I could probably never feel happiness. I know ppl pretend to like me but I see right throug them. Theres nothin left of me. I belive I once felt this feeling. I juz can't remember. My Dad is old and he shows sighns of growing weak. Hes the last of what I have. He's all I got left. My life is meaningless once hes gone. Hes all I got. I have no best friends or any friends at all. I continue my life in search of a new hope. Im juz wanting to be happy thats all but I guess I'll never be happy at all. Its hard to act happy when ur sad. I can't remember how being happy feels. Maybe I never felt being happy. I had my hopes up but I was wrong. The hole imy heart gets bigger day by day. I want a person who can fill it up. Who am I kidding. I now know that the thing we call happiness... Its the feeling that never exsisted.


This is probably my last entry on GAIA because after this Im not coming back because I juz make ppl hate me more Im sorry. Love, happiness ......................

Its The Feeling That Never Exsisted