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As I prepare to go to work this morning-- and yes, I do have to work on Christmas; here at Colonial Williamsburg, you get a choice of having either Thanksgiving or Christmas off, and I took Thanksgiving-- I find I'm in an unusually sentimental frame of mind. Somehow, all the old clichés about how Christmas isn't really about the presents have acquired an unexpected truth; because the gifts I've received this year are not material things, but something far more important.

The religious aspect of Christmas has never been all that important to me; I became a Buddhist during my record store days, and even before that I was something of a skeptic when it came to organized religion in general. But the secular Christmas traditions-- the trees, the gifts, the food-- were a big part of my childhood. When I was a kid, it all seemed to be about unwrapping the presents under the tree and (because I was a gamer from early on) playing whatever new video games I'd gotten for hours on end. It wasn't until my father died in 1996 that I began to see how much of my enjoyment of the holidays had been tied to my parents, and how those gifts were not just objects, but a representation of how much they loved me. Without him here, Christmas lost much of its meaning for both my mother and I. We gradually stopped exchanging presents-- her eyesight made it difficult for her to shop, and I could never think of anything to get her apart from Chanel No. 5 perfume-- and our decorations dwindled to a single wreath on the door.

It was four years ago that I started to think about Christmas differently again. That was the year I saw Spirited Away on Christmas Day at the Kimball Theater here in Williamsburg. The previous two years had been the worst period of my life; at the end of my record store days, I not only became very depressed, but also became so determined to avoid further heartbreak and emotional trauma that I came to fear I was losing any capacity to feel anything. But that night, as I watched Chihiro eat the rice cakes that Haku gave her to restore her strength, and heard Joe Hisaishi's magnificent music accompanying her flood of tears, something changed. I started to cry too, and I didn't stop until well after the end credits. That's why Spirited Away will always be my favorite film; it gave me back my humanity, and for that I owe Hayao Miyazaki a debt I can never repay.

And this year, I've received an even more wonderful gift; after all, the ability to love isn't as meaningful without someone to love, and until recently I'd come to despair that I would ever find that person. Little did I realize I had already met her, and that at the same time I realized my attraction to her, she was starting to feel the same way about me. I've never felt happier or more hopeful in my life; and even though it still frustrates me that we live so far apart, I also know that won't be the case forever. I feel so lucky that we found each other; her love is the greatest gift I could ever receive. heart

(All that said, I'd still really like to get a Wii. But I've got a feeling I'm not going to find one until a long time after Christmas. xp )