this is my lame poem about a backstabbing friend...no details
Beneath my notice
Who needs them? Who needs you?
You backstabbing b*****d; spineless, crawling on the ground
Not me, I'm stronger, I won't let you hold me back anylonger
I won't protect you from your fears, I won't save you from your nightmares
I'm letting you go, forgetting you
Traitor to yourself, you try and save yourself, reaching out to me
Pleading for me to rescue you from the shadows
But I will never come, I will never take your hand
Nor will i drive qway what plagues you
You're all alone, left in your own darkness
Once, long ago, we were friends
Sharing laughter, sharing dreams together
But then you began to turn into something you're not
Just so you'd fit into the crowd
You're weak
You've always were; nothing you say will ever change it
Who needs you?
A bi**h, thats you
I called you a friend
but no longer
I will not carry you any farther
I'm letting you
Fight the current you placed your selft into
Call my name
I will never come to aid you in your struggles
Your on your own from now on
I'm drawing a line
You'll never cross it, or even get close
You liar, traitor
Lie to yourself all you want
Believing that I will come and save you
But I will never answer
Cry my name out till your throat is soar
I will not matter
For you are nothing to me
Never again will I trust you
You broke it, shattered it to dust
Cry it out all you want
I will never come
You're beneath my notice
Wathc now as I burn your image
Becoming ashes in my mind
No longer will you hold be back
I always was stronger than you
So watch now as I leave you behind
Freeing myself from this hell
No regrets fill my mind
No hard felt tears of loss
Onlyhatred and self-loathing at the sight of you
I'm never coming back
You- spineless traitor- are left in the shadows
Left until there is nothing there
Traitor, bi**h, you will never again hold me back
I'm shutting the door in your face
Never again, will I feel pity for you
Or offer you my hand
YOu were always too weak
Now you will rest-
Forever beneath my notice
Nightmare_Warrior Community Member 
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Community Member
Traitor to yourself, you try and save yourself, reaching out to me
doesn't work cuz u repeat urself and i would get rid of the traitor to urself part cuz if u do: you try to save yourself, reaching out to me. it sounds better
typo u wrote qway instead of away
You're all alone, left in your own darkness
doesn't flow right, maybe cuz of alone and own?
You've always were; nothing you say will ever change
can u say typo?
first 1/2 of paragraph 5, i don't like it, it doesn't fit
Wathc now as I burn your image
first of.... typo... secondly... if u burn her image that implies that u r burning it in ur mind and that would seem like u making an imprint of her in ur mind i like the next line though...Becoming ashes in my mind but u will have to get rid of it if u can't change the first line properly
Onlyhatred
typo
in the top paragraph u call *u knkow who* spinless and later u call *u know who* a spinless traitor... get rid of one of them.
u repeat to many insults, like b**ch and traitor
u already said u didn't feel pity for her, then u say it again.
she isn't resting beneath ur notice, u forced her there.
ok that was the basics... now....
u can't really use words like nor and then b**ch... it doesn't sound good.
Who needs you?
i hate that line, it isn't any good... don't ask just one question in the whole poem, dooesn't work
the biggest change. there are some ryming parts of the poem and others don't ryme, u can follow a strict pattern if that is what u want to do , but now the ryming parts are to far apart and u can't just randomly deside to ryme words and two words can't just ryme on accident, sorry, but it doesn't sound good
this was me on semi-harsh mode... tell me if u want it harsher
p.s. i would get ride of the swears (B**ch and basterd)
later