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I am forced to sit here with my thoughts. All I feel is remorse.

Mornings always seem the worst, midday seems to be the start of calming down, and night time, it just seems ok in some ways, but deathly silent in others.

I made a mistake today, I tend to make a lot of them. This might be the final time I can make one. I don't know if Raymond is only mad at me for a short time, or that he is completely tired of being with me. I just have to wait and see. I don't want to make any more mistakes. I want and need to know how I can keep the relationship together. I don't want to be overbearing anymore. I'm just scared. Its still sinking in.

It was stupid for me to think that Raymond would come online and talk to me when he did, or even call me.

I only did it because I love him.

And my love is irritating him. My apologies are doing the same. He is not a bad person at all. Neither is Pam.

I'm a fool for keeping him on such a short leash. I'll give him some slack, but I am not letting go. And I don't want him letting go of me either.

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