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I am depressed right now.

Everyday, everyday, I miss my friends. I get upset when I think about them and how my life would have been if I hadn't moved. Life seems rather hopeless at the moment, and I find my friends here will never truely understand me, I really have no reason to go on, yet, I have no intention to stop living. I love life. I just feel so lonely in a group of friends, sometimes. It is usually a burst of irratation that seems like I just would rather be totally alone. I try my best in school, get good grades and am always full of energy. Yet, when I am alone I feel all my emotions come out and I cry. I feel seriously alone.

And what really makes me sad is that I feel so unconnected with my parents and brother... I love them alot yet, I never talk to my brother much, and if anything happened to him I would die. Also my parents mean the world to me, even when my dad yells at me and I mutter curse words at him inside my head, I always remind myself that I love him. I think I am going to be even more depressed when my brother goes off to college in a year and a half.

I also feel hopeless towards my exams, I think I am going to do horriblely even if I study... I really want to do well, and right now the teachers are giving so much school work. I just really want to fill that empty space and feel true happiness, I have had it before, but I lost it and it feels like it wont come back.

I think I also feel like I can never compete with my brother in school... He is such a book-nerd. And also, my parents say he does more work than me, and that pisses me off.

Ya, I just can't wait till NOT ONE ******** PERSON can control me. Except goverment and whatever. Hehehe, college! I always picture myself, doing well, studying business in in college and having a perfect boyfriend and a great group of friends.

I also sometimes get depressed because of my friends' issues. Hm, that kinda sums it all up into one hell of a journal entry.