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I don't like my heart beating hard enough to feel, it sucks. In school, in the library, outside, at home, on the computer, playing games, reading, playing, thinking, or pretty much in anything I can feel my heart beating and it hurts crying

Maybe it was something I ate or did?
I am getting much weaker I think....last night when I took a shower and *blah blah blah Anna knows* I was so tired I could barely move and I could, of course, just feel and hear nothing but my heart beat racing. It was difficult to move at all out of the shower.
I don't know...
My last 20 min run was horrible! Normally I can do 11 laps in 20 mins, but in my last run I could only do 8 laps and I swear I could have passed out and threw up everything >_<;;
I have told my mother of my lungs and how its hard for me to breathe every good, but she thinks its just in my head or something or that it will go away....idiot....

I get the feeling something will happen this year O.O;; not gunna say what it is its like feelings like: I will die, I will crack, I will steal something and just run away from everything and everyone, or something like that or worse ever since this year came so I don't know.
I really don't like anyone except the people I know from the past or Kristen, David, Rafael, and Giovanni.
I finished The Brimstone Journals and starting on a new book by Beatrice Sparks called Kim: Empty Inside.
I want to write a poem for someone......but I just can't cause I am scared it will sound stupid!
I can't sleep very well at night, because I can't stop thinking about certain things.

Maybe I am tired, maybe I am still depressed, maybe I am sad, or maybe I am just.....unmotivated to try anything.

My Father's Promise.....is it a gift or a sign of pity? gonk

Either way my heart beats and I feel it and hate it >_<;