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Whats going on in my head right now?

Picture the movie Twister, if you haven't seen it, try a washing machine.

I'm tired of people telling me that there is absolutely no hope. If there is a spark, it can turn into a flame. I just need to check if that spark still exists. And it has to. Deep down in there, where no one can find it.

I'm tired of people making me cry. Yes, I am stupid for caring about him, and yes, I will be digging myself a hole if in the even Raymond might ever like me again, and yes, I know I am stupid. But I said that once already. Things don't look too good right now, but one can't shut off that possibility. So shove it already.

I don't deserve better. I know that already. I deserve going on a date, having he guy either hate me, rape me, or just plain dump me before we go anywhere. I deserve short relationships in which the guy cheats on me with someone better. Or I am just used for sex. I don't deserve a loving relationship where we both trust eachother. Hell no. I'll probably get myself killed before I get into a good relationship.

You see, I don't see much hope for my future. But I still have to keep that little spark.

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