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I'm slowly finding more reasons to rip my own head off. But I want a death that is quick and easy, less cleanup for those who have to cart my body off.

I've had an epiphany.

Yes.

Another one.

You know when you go through so much hell, and you realize something...well I realized something. Or a few things for that matter.

If I cannot get what I seek, then there is little to nothing left for me here. Don't implant other ideals in my head...I know what I want...>_<

But getting it is all the battle.

Stop telling me things will change, BECAUSE THEY HAVEN'T FOR ME. JUST BECAUSE I ACT LIKE I AM HAPPY, DOES NOT MEAN THAT I AM HAPPY. I AM GOOD AT LYING ABOUT MY HAPPINESS.

If I have to hear those four words...I'll probably just blank out, and do something stupid. I know what is in my heart, and I believe it to be true. I cannot function properly without knowing the answer to the question I seek.

And from the odds against me, I won't be here long enough to live to my 21st birthday.

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