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I really dont know why i stating to write this, i dont know what im wanting to say. I guess i just want to write something, anything, because im kinda overwelmed by emotions. I hate writing but i feel like i need to, even if i know nobody will read this. Im filled with so many emotions and feelings: pain, anger, joy, lust, rage, excitement, anxious, embarassed, withdrawn and so many unnamed ones. Im tired of not having anyone to truely share myself with, though some may think that they are close enough for me to share these things with but they are not, i only believe that at the moment there is only one person who i can but that can never happen, i dont even believe they care to here anything i have to say. But it doesnt even matter if anyone wants to hear it because i dont want to say it. If i tell somebody how i feel all im doing is showing my weakness and i never want to be thought of as weak. If somebody knew how i feel then they know how to take advantage of me and hurt me like so many have done before them. Some people may think me silly, a smart a**, slow, dopey, cold hearted or even heartless but thats no where near who i really am but nobody knows me as well as they think they do. I realize that i can never be close to anybody and that pains me to know, even though i try my hardest to get close every time they leave me alone again. Instead of getting myself into situations where im hurt repeatedly i just stay as far away as possible and that may come off as mean or any other cruel thing anyone wants to think of me. And when i do actually try and be friendly people think im weird or flirtatious and thats more me than the mean one but i seem to be better off as a mean person. I dont know what the hell im trying to say but i feel like i just needed to say something. If you actually read this entire thing then thank you, but you wasted your time.