I have no idea what to do...too many decisions to make and just being around certain is really starting to get on my nerves. *cradles head* My blogspot is behind...and I'm trying to figure out the best way to kill off a character. Damnit I swear...sometimes I wish I could just quit writing. But motivating vibes from my friends and others is like the only thing that keeps me doing it. Yet, I still feel empty. Like what I am missing, who am I missing? Its hard sometimes you know, especially since your actions and what you do is based on the feelings of others. Like some terrible sixth sense I can sense all forms of bad karma and it affects me physically. Weird huh? Someone next to me right now could be crying and I have headphones on my ears turned up to max so I don't hear a thing yet...I get that clench in my stomach that makes me look their way.
Ugh, I miss being how I used to be. Cold, uncaring, solitary, and livid with the world around me. But then again, I guess feeling the way I am now is good as well. Ugh, I still hate the thought of being soft toward others when I am so used to being a pirahna and massacre the last bit of happiness they have left. But still, its kind of good since before I couldn't write romance at all. I loved blood, gore, and grief but every since I got good in romance its growing on me. Each piece I write I can feel every bit of word, letter, and technique I put into it. Which is why when I write some things in first person, I usually have a habit of making people pissed, jealous, or fed up with me; because they can visualize every bit of it and they start to think it actually happened. Should I quit? I don't know...I'm just tired and confused...heh, I always am. I guess that's what makes me as much irresistable as it does loathsome. Whatever. *sigh* sad
 Tazuna Kisimoto · Tue Apr 10, 2007 @ 12:11am · 1 Comments |
