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Lately, i've been feeling kind of down maybe even emotional at times. I really have no reason, I mean I have some good friends and my life is on an up. At times though I just feel so alone, it kinda sucks you know. I try not to become depressed and wind up wallowing in this world of sadness or whatever so I just cheer myself up. Although in retrospect I haven't really gotten any positive feedback from anyone about stuff I actually do. I mean whoopdy doo I can rp really good and probably show people how good I am at just entertainment. Although in the end I still feel like crap, I mean hell most of the time my mom sits around and yells at me basically finding me useless and annoying like I'm in her way or something.
I kinda wish my mom would stop looking in the negative and look into the positive things in life. IF she did that for a change, maybe her life would stop being so 'terrible' I mean god she acts like her kids are a burden on her instead of a joy. I tried once to get a girlfriend in the last month I hear that girlfriends are the easiest ways to get some self confidence. I did the stupid thing and thought maybe she liked me, but of course jokes on me on that one. Lately I keep finding myself making others more happy and it's... it's just something I wish I could do for myself for a change and stop having to wallow through the s**t just to feel better it's so annoying.
Sure you hear the whole 'outcry' for whatever and whatnot but I mean... I just hate the nights alone staring at a ceiling. Sure I could date someone long distance or anything like that, it would make things so much easier. You'd think that but i'm so busy with everything else the minute I get in a relationship like that I begin to want to do other things. Then... there is this part about these urges to touch someone, hold them, and kiss them. That's what makes me feel the worst... I just want to do those things, although I can't believe how much I wish I could go further with someone. Sure were all "too young" to try and find love but I think that isn't the case. I think it's just that no one really tries as much anymore, and well I kinda wish someone would... just so there was evidence that true love does exist.

Right now... I really wish I had some cookie dough.. sure it's unhealthy but god damnnit I'm like 160 lbs ish.. probably less now... I seem to lose more weight than I gain... ugh... I'm so hungry though. Anyways I need to wrap this all up so, I... just want to find love and know it's real for a change and that someone isn't just yanking my chain. I dunno I wanted to share that here.... I mean I could also try drawing but I got kind of tired after awhile and had to stop. I just wish I could motivate myself for a change instead of just taking people's s**t.