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I seriously don't know what to do anymore, once again I feel blown off and possibly lied to by my best friend but hey I guess people change. I don't even know it's just a feeling.
Out here someone decided 'Oh I think she's cutting, let's go tell' Of course they had good intentions, thing was I WASN'T CUTTING D<
F*ck I'm irritable. I'm sorry if I explode at anyone...
Not like any of you read this in the first place anyways.
I don't mean to offend anybody, but lately everybody seems to be too busy to so much as notice me, notice that inside I'm like 'Hey I'm alive people'
Sometimes I wonder, if I left, who the hell would even remember me?
What role do I play in any of their lives?
The hell with life... My best friend out here's foster mom almost made him move away because of me! Because of what she thinks that I did, because he was so worried that he would have run off out here if I hadn't told him not to!
Yes, I'm peeved off. Why the hell can't everyone just mind their own business instead of digging up my past?!
I feel like everything is my fault, but some of it isn't. I know it isn't but I will take the blame for my part, that being my past history with cutting.
Thing is, I try to forget that, since I hurt so many of my friends with it...
In hurting you guys I hurt myself.
I'm sorry for doing it in the first place but it made me who I am today..
I mean...
Life is like a butterfly, you live in a cocoon, then when you're ready you struggle and struggle to break free of your cocoon. If someone helps you out of it, cuts it open for you... Then you become weak, frail to the touch... A butterfly cannot survive if it does not go through the struggle. A person cannot go through life having everything happen the easy way. You have to wait and work for anything worth having or doing.
I hope that no one gets hurt by me anytime soon.. I hope I haven't hurt anyone lately either. I apologize if I have... I made a good friend of mine cry today by accident... it hurt me alot to find that out... The kid only ever wants to help and cheer me up but today he had to witness something he shouldn't have had to...
I hate having an audience during a fight. It's horrible for them to have to endure... This time I think it is the only reason I didn't hurt the person I was fighting with physically... You are all going to think I'm some kind of psychopath though if I said I would have killed him then and there. Sure, if I was a tad more impulsive I might have tried. Wouldn't have though because he's a better fighter. Better strength and reflexes... but I had a few things he didn't either.
I'm pretty sure we aren't allowed to so much as talk anymore though, even if he doesn't move away... Geez, the one person out here who can moderately calm me down and it's my fault he may move away?! That makes me feel just GREAT.
Now the other thing that bothered me, was that someone I care alot about said im their best friend but, they always go on about how awesome and wonderful this other chick is, how much they care for her... Yes, it makes me jealous. I don't know if I want to bring it up with him because I don't want to fight about it, who knows, maybe she knew him longer or something... I just can't help the feeling in my stomach like that twisting and turning like it is going to eventually get so tangled up that all of the liquids inside are going to get trapped and just explode.
I don't know if you know what I mean by this... if you want to reply to this in any form just reply in PM.
Hell, I don't even know if you know who I'm talking about!
But whatever... I'd love some advice, I don't k now what to do anymore but I would like it PMed to me if you could please and thanks...
-Bear

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