AHHHH...
I thought she'd leave me alone but no. She's come to tell me he asked her to marry him and she said yes. Do I give a s**t? No. I don't give a rotten ******** s**t.
Oh yay good for you. You choose him over me now you can go ******** off and die. She likes talking to me. Well when I do it sets me off.
He's going to join the coast guard in Jersey and she's going to follow. You know... I really liked it on the eastern side of things. Now I hate it. She's way too ******** close to me.
Why do I swear? I'm angry. Angry, upset and rubbed the wrong way. Why can't she just stop talking to me? AH. Go away woman. Go away now!
I wonder and hope that certain places are my places for refuge away from that b***h but nooo.
She has no right to comment on my work I do for Futil. She has no right to seperate what is beautiful and what needs work when it's artwork made for HIM. Whom I love more than her. Whom I have loved more than I've ever loved her. If love exists. Futil has showed me... I love him all the more for it.
His tender heart becomes so strong, I want him to be happy and I want HIME to leave me alone. She's got happiness. Great. Can I have mine now?
Can't I be happy? For once? ********.
I can't take another "I'm getting married!" Good for you b***h.
Here I am such a sweet person at times. I'm nice, understandable, reasonable. But if I read another journal talking about marriage, settling down and blah blah blah, I'm going to explode with my death dealing scythe and knock some people over. You know I thought it didn't hurt anymore. I thought that I've healed from her wounds she's caused but she's opening them all back up. March 18th, March 18th... where was I? Oh yes... settling back in at my home in KY from arriving from that hell hole up in Canada.
Listening to other artists critique my work I've learned I need to get into another college course before submitting any work.
Let's just say... I'm not having a good day... 4:30 AM and I HATE April 15th. This had better be that shitty second month. So far it was February and now April. Please let this be it.
I'm going to go read some of my old messages from Futil. This will calm my inner turmoil. His words have healing effects I swear they do.
*shakes, shakes, click*
EDIT: I must add that I'm having some rather disturbing thoughts... I need to unwind. Make these japanese fans and just pause. s**t... these thoughts aren't right. I shouldn't be thinking of such things and I can't help but feel ashamed. These thoughts have not been uttered here because there's no point in doing so. I may feel this way but I won't actually do anything. I have stronger ambition then I do less esteem. I will think nothing of these thoughts and push them far out of my mind until they drop some place else. Maybe in the gaseous fumes of my digestive system. Where they belong. She really needs to learn to shut the ******** up.
She knows it hurts. She KNOWS it. I mean isn't it evident?
Is it evident to all of you who read this?
She's not talked to me in nearly a month now. She's fought over loving me with my Futil. She's said something horrible to Fu that's made him say something awful. She comes back, criticizes my work in instant messenger, tells me he proposed a month ago, and tells me she's moving closer to my area... with the a*****e. Thanks.
Well I'm feeling just peachy. More drama served just right for you all. I'm going to go and wish I was watching Spiderman 3 to wipe my memories of this clean (VENOM IS THE s**t OK?!). Drink something alcoholic because I god damned well need it. I'm about ready to hit something. Something calm... something that calms me... well that would be Futil. That's all I can think about.
*reads more old messages*
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A flame that burns eternity; a heart made of ice; life melting glass
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