I wake up to the sound of my roomates voice, as she hands me a cell phone, in fact it was HER cell phone! And so the dreaded day of dragging on in depression began. I speak into the phone hello? and who is on the other end? my FATHER, he starts talking to me but I dont understand a word he is saying I am still bearly awake and in the process of awaking, anyhow he starts to yell at me about being responsible with money and that jazz. I just want to cry and scream and hang up the phone but I no I must not because I am not that rude or daring. So i let my father yell at me getting every ounce of guilty settling in and I deserved every bit of it too, As I started to well up with emotional tears and the stabbing pain in my leg from which was my agony of pain from the cuts that were baring welcome into my right leg from letting go of my pain a couple of nights before and as all this was going on I just wanted to die right then and there. Ha then he would be sorry it was my last pitiful miserable dieing ends of my days and what sucks more is that I am going home today in my hometown in which I will have to face the b*****d himself I just want to scream out loud or cry in dieing rage of the hopelessness I own now-a-days. BLAH BLAH BLAH!!!!! Am I right!!!!! I deserve the yelling I deserve every little bit of it I deserve the emotional hurt I truly do I was the one who overdrafted my debit card I was the irresponsible one I DESERVE IT ALL. and more. Well enough of my stupidity and ragging on myself its not going to help me, or anyone for that matter maybe I will just sit in my room and do nothing and never go home, but I can't avoid the ache in my boosom I can't render my self to self pity like I always do I cant sit and sit and sit and go nowhere ALL I WANT TO DO IS DIE, thats right I am not ment to be couped up here in the worldly lies and selfhatred tha I am so well at doing. GOSH why can't I get a life oh thats right I have one but I don't live one. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR................................................Just leave me be and never let me awakin from my dreams even if they are false even if they are nightmares even if they are good I DONT GIVE A ******** I just want to sleep and never wake up.
chibi-chan44 Community Member 
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