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I feel sick. Not like a cold. Just that ill feeling you get in your stomach when you know something is really wrong. I don't know why, but in sporadic moments in my life i tend to fall into major bouts of self reflection. And I do not like what I see one little bit. The first one happened at the end of third form, when I first started getting chest pains (apparently it was because of the way I was breathing). I got really paranoid. And when you're bed ridden for a month, you have a lot of time to mull over the possibilities of what could be wrong with you. I psyched myself up into such a state that I was actually making my chest worse. The second time was 5th form, when it really hit home that you have to actually WORK for your achievements. Up untill then I'd been cruising along and not caring. Then I almost failed some internals. And I got very very pissed off at myself. And now the third time is today. I finally worked out that skipping 7th form was good for my marks, but very bad for me (as in the way I think, act, and feel). I feel like I've become someone completely fake. I've given up things that I once loved, just for some sense of fleeting company. Yes, I have friends at uni. But they aren't real friends, in the sense that you can sit and talk about whatever you want and everyone genuinely listens and laughs and has fun. We have fun, but I always feel like I'm being pushed out somehow. It's like...I'm missing something that they have, but I don't know what the hell it is. And that's holding me back from letting them know who I really am. And that's what's making me feel sick. I feel fake, and I don't want to keep acting anymore. But I'd rather keep up the act than lose what little sense of friendship I have left in this place. In other words, I'm trapped.
Sir Moonbeam · Sun Sep 17, 2006 @ 12:55pm · 4 Comments |
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DravenNovak Lestat = DD DravenNovak Regardless of where he goes, he should be remembered for being the Aussie that changed the way people think about the environment. He loved his job and loved to educate people about animals. And at one point in his life he had a mullet and short-shorts. xd
Sir Moonbeam · Mon Sep 04, 2006 @ 01:03pm · 0 Comments |
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ONE MORE WEEK!!! I NEEEEEEEEEEED TO STUDYYYYYY! gonk Stupid tests. They're more like exams this semester coz they're worth so much. My Biochem test is worth THIRTY PERCENT OF MY ENTIRE GRADE. crying I am sooooo stuffed. At least the geology one isn't worth so much. Physics is worth twenty, which isn't so bad. BUT STILL! I miss school exams. They weren't worth anything at all. xd And my nose won't stop running. I am considering one of the following courses of action: 1)Blocking my nose with poly-filler. 2)Chopping my nose off completely. 3)Overdosing on sudafed to see what happens to my nasal cavities. 4)Going to the emergency doctors and asking them for prescription hayfever medication. (probably the most sane idea) ninja
Sir Moonbeam · Wed Aug 16, 2006 @ 06:33am · 0 Comments |
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"Over the Fourth of July holiday weekend, I have to admit that I went a little nuts. To honor our country, I ate red meat, white meat, and blue meat (I think the blue meat was penguin). I drank vodka by the bottle and wine by the box. I realized I was out of control when I found myself slugging down this can of iced gravy."
I love Zug. www.zug.com
Sir Moonbeam · Tue Jul 25, 2006 @ 10:48am · 1 Comments |
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Hokay, Finished Bitching Now. |
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PMS hits me bad. rofl rofl rofl
ANyhoo.... I have recently been snooping around my friends Gaia journals. They're actually quite awesome. I especially enjoyed Fringe's one for good laughs and awesome quotes. And for hard hitting real life, I enjoy snooping around Nekojin and Reagahn's journals. No-one else really updates theirs that often, which is kind of sad. I'm thinking of re-vamping mine. Clean it up and such. 3nodding But for now it's deffinately time to go to sleep. I don't have any lectures untill 2pm tomorrow, and I have a two hour break. =_= It'd be fun, if I had friends. But we won't go there again. ninja I think I'll go shopping. I need a new jacket.
Sir Moonbeam · Tue Jul 18, 2006 @ 01:52pm · 2 Comments |
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