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I'm taking some advice from my sister in real life to write down all my winey feminine folies so that my boyfriend doesn't get that angry with me. I brought up marriage again. and he doesn't want to hear about it any more. He had told me last June that he was wanting to propose to me. He even told some of his friends that he was going to propose to me. A year later, and no proposal. And every time I bring up marriage I end up crying. My friends are getting married, my sister is getting married, there's talk or some other friends getting a baby and it's all just making me evaluate on what I want in my future. Yes I told him I wanted marriage eventually, I want him to have that in mind. but he doesn't want to think about it any more because I just bring it up too much. He compares it to wanting a new bike that will eventually get rusty and I won't want to take care of it any more. He thinks marriage will be the end all of how exciting we are (we're not that exciting) he doesn't want the boring aspect of marriage. I get it, I don't want that either. He says I'm expecting to much for him and he hates that he has to do this him self. What I don't get is all he has to do is pick a nice ring, and then ask me. THAT'S ALL. And he doesn't even want to do that. It just frustrates me to no end. He thinks I'll hate him for not giving me this elaborate proposal, which I don't even want.

He was completely ready to end the relationship because apparently I'm going to end up hating him anyway so what's the point in continuing it? I had to pick up the pieces this time as well. He wanted to end this once before, it just sucks that I have to be the one that has to suck up all my feelings so that he can be happy. So I can't have the "happy" only he can. He can't let me have this one happy thing, this one thing that makes me happy. Why can't he just suck it up and make me happy. He doesn't want all to please me all the time. And what he doesn't get is that I'd give up everything for him. And what I do is for him to be happy. Which makes me think why should I be in this relationship if the person that I think about the most doesn't what to think about me the same way? He is an a*****e-ish jerk, but I love that a*****e-ish jerk.

Yes I want this, but he has to want it too. I know that much and I can't be pushing him to make a decision it's not fair to him or to me because he's not going to like it at all. Even though I understand all of this, it still hurts to think about it, it hurts that he doesn't want it.