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....I don't understand.
I'm intelligent but I just can't figure this out.
We aren't together any more. But I can't get him out of m head. Other people flirt with me but as soon as I flirt back I feel like I'm betraying him.
Just the sound of his name makes me hurt. Because...I'm pretty sure I'm part of the problem. He is in a dark place.
And...I can't help.
But....I smile and I do my best to support and help him.
But...when we tells me we can't be together, why must he go tell me he loves me? That he wants to be with me? That he misses me? Yes, it's nice to hear...but really....it hurts. Because I don't know if he'll choose me again.
I miss him terribly. But....I'll tuck my emotions away and smile. I'll play. I'll laugh...I'll survive.
I always survive.
For once...I'd love to be able to LIVE.

I long to call him mine again. I long to hold his hand. To feel his kisses. To no longer hear sorrow. I want to call him, just his voice comforts me. But I can't. I can't call him if I'm sad. It doesn't work that way.

It never works that way.
Oh well.