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Not thinking about it as much as I use to. Should be a relief to those as this will grant them space. I will have to admit though, hearing that name used on someone else just made me think again, but quickly ended because I was constantly busy and trying to not let my allergies kill me. Gah! *blows nose* Bloody pollen, people and shenanigans. Oh well, time to think about other things. Debating how I'm gonna handle this year with debt, events, work and whatnot. I know this time I will do my damn best to not spend unnecessary money on people. Makes me feel utterly used. Don't like to think that way, but it seems like bribery is one common way to get people's unwanted attention. *looks at cup* Jack what have you done to me? *sniffs cup* You smell good though. whee

Now since that speculation is now over, I would like to focus on three events that are to come: Wine Party that is today, Christmas time and Sac Anime Winter 2013 which will take part at a new location. Kinda sad about not hosting it at the location where it all started, but nonetheless, a change was necessary due to an increasing number of attendants. Hopefully all bills will be sorted before the event so I will finalize how much I can carry for the full weekend and be comfortable for the remaining weeks until my next paycheck. Damn January, you had to be a tough month. >.> Oh well. Here's hoping for a very excellent event and an excellent time with my guest. *raises glass* biggrin

...I try to break my barrier that has been built since i was little. The moment i try, someone pulls me away from it. I try to get out of the shyness, self hatred and negativity stage, but...it just comes to show that some people can't allow it.

First time entering a house arena, and boy each time I look at it, I love it more. It's basically entertainment for the whole public that comes in. n____n I love it.

Update, trying to recover from a stress attack i had a month ago, and so far, kinda doing good. just need more sleep, drink lots of water (and juice), and lay low on some greasy stuff. Not to mention to control my breathing. I haven't been able to breath well since. crying

I finally post something new in this journal since i haven't been on for quite some time. I have pleanty of reasons why but i won't even bother going into full details since it carries on my past to my present and could affect my future. Up to this day i still wonder, why does all this bullshit keep running into everyone else? Why is it that people just come up to you and beat you down mentally when they can waste their breath doing something else? Pride? Please. That kind of pride stinks just as bad as a killer, because there's a chance that the innocent won't survive after that one incident. Why do people have to face such terrible decisions day after day? Salvation? Please. You try to avoid a situation when you'll run into it once again and again and again. There's no escape. Why do most people walk away with a giant smile in their face when good luck strikes them while others wither away with despair and lose hope? I don't know and that's the type of s**t i'm tired of running into and seeing. I hate being the unfortunate and seeing other become unfortunate. Yes i know what few of you might be thinking. I'm sorry. You don't know how much hurt and despair i carry around my shoulders every day with thought after thought after thought plus with each event that i run into. I still am thankful i haven't even hurt myself physically. At this rate....i think i'll need to take some pills to make me happy. I hate faking happiness. Knowing that your happiness is genuine is just well worth it.

I want to apologize for leaving gaia for a brief moment for i just wanted to avoid sooo many problems i've dealt with last year. One of them is for avoiding someone because i wanted to move on, yet i'm still in pain. I'll always be in pain. The other reason is because of the constant growth of n00bs EVERYWHERE in the internet. I know i know....deal with it, right? Way ahead of you guys. sweatdrop Other is because i got hooked at another website that just lured me in and out of gaia. I shall try keeping in touch. Won't be easy in any form, but i'll do my best.

As of today, i want to start fresh on all situations from everyone. If i had rivals, let's start fresh. If i had friends that i've hurt for any reason, let's start fresh with an appology. For those i've deeply hurt, as i'm thinking on one of them, i want to start fresh from the very start as friends. I intend to make 07 a fresh start on everything and keep it running in the best form possible with no errors.

Thank you everyone and it does feel somewhat good to be back.....i miss rpg'ing with you guys. crying crying

money is always good in this world. that's why there's work. but if you have work, how will you enjoy every day without work? quit? please. life these days is all about work. without work, your life stalls. still moves on, but stalls. i really wish i can get more time alone, carefree, no work, and just.....enjoy many days with no worry at all. but that's utopianism in which most people would agree to grasp it someday. wha'cha think (everyone)?