Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

Dear Xim,

I am unsure of what happened between us the second time. All I can remember is one of your friends telling me that you wished I would leave you alone, so I disappeared. In any case you ended up changing your profile a second time. All I wanted to say is that I apologize for all the cornyness all the stupidity, all the pain I may have caused you.

This is as close as a goodbye as I could possible send to you. Where you are, who you are, that is your business. I don't wish to disrupt you a third time. During this past year and so, I've felt compelled to try and reach you to apologize again. I haven't yet because I don't trust myself. If I found you I believe I would only worsen the already bad situation I've caused not once but twice.

In any case, I'm still too goofy. I still need to grow up a lot. Who I really am now it doesn't really matter. I am still just a guy who is unhappy with himself as a person. I still need to work on my character. So to get rid of this feeling of heavy shoulders pressed on by guilt. Guilt for screwing up things again.

I don't want anything from you. If I did, I'd be kidding myself. I can't do right by you by staying around.It's not that I have ill feelings or anything like that. I really don't. I just believe it'd be better for the both of us, never to hear from one another again. That is how I feel at this moment. I can't say it's perfect, but this way I can't hurt you again.

Hey if you think I've grown up, look me up. I'm not really hard to find. This being entirely up to you. I won't be able to be reached via gaia, when I finish these goodbye journals. Whatever happens its up to you. Either way it doesn't matter in the grand scheme, I think.

In any case I am sorry sincerely. I never meant to screw up so much. I don't feel sorry for myself about it anymore. Not after writing all this. It really makes me sick how I talked to you on those old messages. But alas that is in the past. And all this writing is my way of moving past this. My forgiveness to myself.

In the end I guess I'll never forget you. You're the closest thing I had to an actual gf back in the day. Saying that I do not mean the feelings bit, but that even though we may have had that. That we were still friends during it. I do not wish to talk more about this. Moving on

Goodbye Xim and thank you for everything. Especially for being my friend.

From a ninja