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~The Inductive Logic of Doom~
FACT
Eve ate the forbidden fruit.
Eve brought evil into the world.
Eve is female.
FACT
Adam wears the pants in the family.
Adam is male.
THEREFORE
Female is evil.
Male is the opposite of female.
Male is good.
So pants are good.
SINCE
God is all goodness,
God is also all pants.
THEREFORE
Pants are God.
SINCE
God is everywhere,
Pants are everywhere.
THEREFORE
Proving pantheism: the worship of pants
 Daralea · Fri Dec 02, 2005 @ 02:55am · 4 Comments |
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(In order to pass time, I am going to relive a 'conversation' I had during lunch...and I'll add sound effects, it won't hurt)
*The Great Tada offers grapes to the lunch table and I take one*
The Dar:
Why, hello there, little girl. I see you have come for your special visit. Hmm...you are nice and firm today. 'Tis good; 'Tis good.
*pokes the seed pit lightly*
Now now, do not be afraid of my magic fingers. Remember, practice makes perfect.
*brings it up to ear and nods urgently*
What is that? You want to be de-seeded? It would be my pleasure.
*reaches inside for the seed*
Open wide, now. That is a good little girl. I'm reaching in deep. Deeper now. Ahhhhh...your inside is moist. 'Tis a good sign then. Got it!
*pulls out the seed*
So big; so beautiful. You are my best yet.
*picks on the skin*
Aye, would you let me strip you then? What?! Hesitation! Must I rip you meagre jacket of your effeminate flesh? Yes...Yeeesss. Relax now. Let me work you.
*slowly pulls out the skin in sections and eats it*
'Tis a glorious day when such bitter casings taste ssoo goooood. You are easy on me now, are you not? Trust in my magic fingers I see. Your scent is upon me. The scent of royal green in nightfall.
*touches it*
May I caress your delicate skin? You can not resist. Such smooth facets you have, slowly I shall reveal your glistening self. Radiant you are with no crevice to mark a flaw.
*kisses it*
muah....Aye. 'Tis tender.
*devours the....grape?*
Daralea · Sat Nov 12, 2005 @ 07:15am · 9 Comments |
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A wise man said to forget about the past. Well that wise man must have fell on his head multiple times to make us believe that anything is possibly that easy.
I constantly find myself looking back for the slightest glimer of hope that things could revive and be the way they used to be. Immediately after this action I slap myself in the face....quite hard mind you.
I see the path in front of me. It narrows and thorns stick out from the edges. Can't help but think of the past and all its pleasant beauties. Beauties that strangled me and left me here dangling. Beauties that I'll never see again.
People love it when others are depressed, don't they. They get this tingling feeling inside them and their eyes glow whenever they look at someone under stress. Everytime they ask "Tell me whats wrong" you can look right through them and hear them singing in a mellow taunting voice "You're a miserable wreck. I'm superior to you."
All that's left to do is swallow it and tell them you are perfectly fine as you try to not think about how much of a sissy you really are.
I keep on looking back to those moments and they fill me with such loathing hatred.
It is kind of ironic that in the biblical story Lot's wife got turned into salt when she looked back at her destroyed city. The same way I look back lustfully at the sin that once governed my life but the bitterness I'm supposed to be is already there. My soul and my attitude is bitter at everything around me.
I can't wash this away. No matter what I do the gall just seeps deeper and deeper into my veins as I try to scratch it off.
I'm sorry if my thoughts are repulsive, but that is just who I have become now. I wonder why we all call ourselves friends when all we ever do is hop from one person to another abandoning all we ever reinforced in the rest.
Well, from now on there is no more hopping from me. Seclusion and silence will have my better part as if I say nothing I will say nothing stupid. I know I've been trying hard to let myself be known, but for what? We all just let each other down in the end anyway. It just gets me questioning: Why does it hurt to have lost when you had nothing to lose in the first place?
Daralea · Tue Apr 26, 2005 @ 10:49pm · 3 Comments |
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Isn't it pathetic that everytime I'm to myself all I can think about are my flaws. I see nothing pure, good, and worthwhile in my life. All I ever do is cause people to drift away from me.
It has been like this a lot lately, in fact ever since I've been on a mission to express myself. It is not like I'm down all the time. I mean there are days that I couldn't be happier, but I've realized that happiness is only temporary.
You can't expect people to be happy, nor sad, nor envious, not virtuous. The only emotion people are bound to have is anger because no matter what or where you are in life there always seems to be the people who just piss you off. Even if they are only telling you the truth and trying to help you. Maybe you don't want to hear the truth. The fact that they are constantly trying to "help you" degrades who you are as an individual, as if you aren't good enough.
I loved the way I used to be... I don't care much of myself anymore. I'm nothing and no one can change that. I used to be carefree, bitchy with no cause, but not arrogant and spiteful. Now the only thoughts I have either put me down or try to put everyone down with me.
I'm a drain to all those who stay my friend. I mean, how long can I expect them to put up with me!
They know I'm going through a stressful time these days, but common...can't I just shut up and stop being so childish already.
That's what I am. Nothing but a childish moron with no two thoughts about others. How could I possibly be more selfish through my pitiful depression!
I used to be loved by others. Loved for my words, my thoughts, my presence, and even my silence. Now whatever I do people make it seem that there is something wrong with me, something I have to change. But I've changed too much in the past 6 months and I'm desparate to change back.
I want to be a loner again. A person that everyone just skips over and is only noticed when they want to be noticed.
I want to trust again. Even though I know that I've had a past with every one I'm with which caused me to lose my confidence in them.
I want to have a life again. One that embraces me for all that I am and could be without crushing me into the ground.
I want to stop feeling again. Life was so much simpler without emotions to ride one. It is the feelings people have that cause to to be such idiots at times.
But most of all, I want to end this journey. I can't stay in it because I know I don't have the courage to face anything.
Daralea · Tue Apr 26, 2005 @ 10:26pm · 0 Comments |
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Nothing lasts. Everything withers away with time. Nothing is attainable. No body, no image, no self, no love, no peace. I learned this in my World Religions class and it has been a heated topic for many weeks. My prof tells us "the world suffers as we live, we suffer as we live. Life is all about suffering." I think its a load of crap.
There are rocks in the slope and sometimes we reach dead ends, but there are other ways and just because you've been pelted with so many obstacles is doesn't mean you should allow your legs to give weigh and slide back to your bottom. Sometimes you tumble down other times you just push on forward pointing a gun at all those who come you way. This is a style I've adopted today.
We might bring much hatred and disturbances along with us, but we live and unless we are planning to kill ourselves and others then there is nothing we can do to change that. There is suffereing in life because nothing can ever stay the same. Yet I say we are put on this Earth, not to fulfill a purpose or anything, but simply we are put on this Earth. What else do we have to do but live
The content of suffering gets to people's heads, but they don't realize the more they think about suffering the more their brains will be tuned to thinking that way.
Just today I've learned about the impermanence of life or the illusions of. Yes, yes, this is another Charlie story, but I promise this will the last one.
He was all quiet all weekend and was really tensed this morning. He waited after school and asked me to walk him home. I knew it was comming. I could smell it in the morning when he just walked away after I gave him a kiss.
Impermanence#1: Compassion
So we were walking and he told me to start smiling again or it will make him feel like an even bigger a*****e for what he was about to say. So he cracked a few jokes trying to get my mind away from the impending torture.
Impermanence#2: Peace of Mind
He started off by telling me that he usually can't talk to me because my outlook on life is comparatively childish and innocent. He's looking for a much more mature relationship and I remind him one more time that we've only been going out for few moths. So he can't be my boyfriend but still feels a brotherly connection to me for I apparently have so many problem in my life and he has the answers to them. (To be frank his answers usually contain running away from home or rude sexual phrases...so no.)
Impermanence#3: Sense of Dignity
He says its not like I killed the flame, but there was never a flame to begin with. This was obviously true for his part, but I asked him why he didn't tell me this before he led me on to believe we were actually in a constructive relationship. He decieved me so much even through the act od getting back together with me, that I actually admit to falling in love with him. Our whole relationship was a lie which I would never get for I never once lied to him about how I truly felt. He just scratched his head and stated that he knew what his intetions were but he was not willing to tell me. I stopped him abruptly and told him that he's the one being difficult with me now just because he sees me as this 15 year old girl.
Impermanence#4: Trust
He finally broke and told me the only reason he was still in a relationship with me was because he like the physical stuff we did. After those words he never looked in my eye for ther rest of the conversation. I felt violated, like complete and total s**t, like I had absolutely no value. Maybe what my dad said was right. Maybe I AM a common whore. At least I was that much to Charles.
Impermanence#5: Purity
It got very silent after that. So we turned around and walked the other way to my house. A few seconds later, some of Charles' friends called him over to the other side of the street to hang out. He told me he was going and he left. I could only nod. So there I stood, half an hour away from my house, alone and with a rather low self-esteem. (you can imagine)
Impermanence#6: Comfort
All-in-all, I would conclude it was a rather bad day. But as I was walking home I realized that I wasn't the one that wasn't being true to myself. Sure I had my few splurts of tears and reached a decision that God is the only one that never really decieved me.
I came home to an outpour of support from my friends: Tada, Slice, Maru, and even Pyrex. All their words brought me joy even when it was only plotting to kill the b*****d. (except Slice, you're useless...j/k)
With all these people beside me one can't help but wonder if impermanence really is as powerful as once believed when it comes to true friendship and love.
Daralea · Tue Apr 12, 2005 @ 02:06am · 5 Comments |
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Since it has not been a while, I'm going to do a brief update on the stuff that happened before the next official entry.
The skating tests went extremely well. Not only did I pass, but I got a perfect score on everything. My coach said that she told me so, but I still blew her head off because she was willing to sacrafice my skating career just to teach me a lesson on how to cool it and have confidence in myself.
Anyway, such an event will never happen again. I'm going to make sure of it.
My old skating session ended with much drama, but just this week I started my Spring Skate sessions. Only a few words would describe it, and that too stolen words from one of my very best friends: "It's Effed!"
Now that I'm in a higher level the judging will be harder and harder. Which only discourages me from testing my latest dance for one main reason...I SUCK! Its not like I don't have time to practice. Heck, there's pleanty of time to do that. I just can't do one part of the dance and that usually throws me off for the rest of it.
The upward slope it much steeper then I thought. However, I'm running desperately from the monster that lurk below.
I guess as people advance in life they reach different stages each with excelling difficulty. I mean, if a toddler was set a goal to run I'm sure he'd fall into tears. So we take things step by step in life. First we walk, then we run, then we skate, then eventually we save the world. But for now I'll settle with eternal peace.
Daralea · Tue Apr 12, 2005 @ 01:13am · 0 Comments |
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The Flawed Course of Action |
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I'm glad to say I finally took my first step back up the cliff. It's still a shaky step on slippery ground, but its still a start.
I talked to Charles and spilled my guts out on what he wanted. I told him all about me and he did the same. Can't share any details, it would be disrespectful. All I can say is that talking brought my relationship with him, as well as others, to a whole new level. I strife now, not to better myself, but to create myself.
Yes, it is true I cried. I know it is a terrible sign of weakness, but it felt like the right thing to do at that time.
I feel more comfortable with my friends now. I can joke about and talk about things I never had the courage to do before. I also bear in mind that the constant talking about myself gets old and boring, please, I'm not that self-centered.
I'm still a b***h though. I don't think that part of me is going to change anytime soon. I don't want it to change. It's as much a part of me as anything else. I've lived through the aid and guidance of my parents. Now I realize that they only look after my educational, nutritional, and financial needs. They don't offer anything for my social needs. I noticed that and I've come to the conclusion that they are just like me with walls of their own. I've come to appreciate their input in my life.
This is only the first step of many. I don't expect the other steps to go as planned for there are bound to be obstacles I've overlooked. But as I look down after my first step I realize for the first time how much I hated being down there, and yet how much I made that place my home.
Daralea · Sun Mar 20, 2005 @ 05:48am · 1 Comments |
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I'm training to be a figure skater. The problem with that is I started about three years ago which is a bit too late for the norm, being 15. Consequently, it takes longer for me to adapt to the ice and makes me fearful of mistakes in jumps and spins. But that's not the problem....oh no it isn't.
I skate on Wednesdays and Thursdays. So during my Wednesday class, my coach comes up to me and says I need to get started on my program (dancing with jumps, spins, and footwork to a peice of music). So that day she gave me the music and choreography, and because of my age I couldn't trust myself enought to do it to the tempo of the music as the piece was quite fast (carol of the bells by Trans Siberian Orchestra). She ended my lesson with the words "you're testing for it on Monday".
That gave me a friggin heart attack. So I was left with only Thursday to perfect it, with only 10 minutes with my coach. Now I'm dreading Monday because everything is so screwed and I don't think I'm going to pass. Which sucks because I really want to get out of intermediate and move to senior (the pre-teens I skate with get on my nerves).
So... I guess rock bottom has a pot hole I stumbled into.
Daralea · Sat Mar 19, 2005 @ 06:56pm · 1 Comments |
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