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sorry last one didn't finish
this is picking up where it left off






making sure my feet weren’t going to trip over any exposed root.

Once my eyes focused on blurs ahead I slowly pulled my head up. For my sake it looked like either many people had left or not a lot showed up. I probably only caught the eye of maybe two people as I began walking toward the fire.

I searched the area for anyone whom I didn’t have to introduce myself to. Maggie sat with the rest of her group they four were taking and laughing. I walked over to them and sat down on the nearest rock as they were. “Hey, Jessie. Where have you been?”

“Hiding behind a tree,” she nodded and looked at me with slightly apologetic eyes.

Freddy interrupted are little silent moment with his load voice “Isn’t it amazing” they all looked up to stare at the flames. So I followed their gaze.

The large flames were burning probably a whole trees worth of wood. The flames were so large and tall the heat that radiated off from it was burning my skin beneath my jacket. But what hurt me even most was that once I looked at it I couldn’t take my eyes off of it. I didn’t look to see who else was starting at the fire or even looked at the ground for more then a second. My eyes were getting dry and cloudy. I blinked a couple of times and then continued to stare at the fires enormous flames.

After about a half an hour I looked away. Everything I saw had the frame of the fire in different colors. I closed my eyes and saw the flames when I tried to move my eyes to get a better view of the image it moved and the colors changed. I blinked very rapidly for what seemed like a long time. I’ve looked at light bulbs and the sun and had this happened to me but it never lasted this long before. Thankfully after a lot of vigorous blinking I was finally seeing clearly again.

I looked around me, my friends were over roasting marshmallows and the rest of the people here were looking at the fire, playing with it, or completely ignoring it all together.



So the night grew darker and colder as hours passed. People and cars depleting and soon very few remanded. I sat in my place perfectly fine and dandy. I listened to what my new friends liked to talk about. I stared at the beauty of orange and yellow light and as they minimized and vanished I read. I wasn’t till I heard no one talking that I realized everyone but the people I arrived here with and me remand.

“We’re going soon okay” I didn’t catch who said that but I listened any way. I stood up and stretched, bones creaking and mussels loosening. I checked the ground around me to see if I dropped anything. Nothing. It was so dark now that the only way I could see was the moonlight.

For a party there wasn’t much of a mess. No cups or trash except for maybe a gum wrapper. The fire was now completely put out and just to be sure the guys poured some water on it to put out any burning ashes. I slowly walked over to the car. My balance was uneasy and I looked like a cross between a turtle and a drunken person. They had already gotten their stuff and put it in the cars by the time I was there. I opened the door to the passenger’s side and got in.

I missed lunch and dinner; my stomach was making the roar of a bear. “Are you okay, you don’t look to good” I looked over at Maggie

“I’m just tired and hungry.” she reached into her bag and grabbed two granola bars and handed them to me.

“How did you like it?” for a second I forgot what she meant.

“It was okay but I don’t really like parties so an okay is a good sign, ” after that she smiled and turned on the radio. The music was enjoyable but I was too hungry for that. I unwrapped one of the bars and began slowly nibbling on it.



It didn’t take as long as it took to get here. So we were there on time instead of- what I thought was going to happen- being late. She dropped me off at my car and gave me her phone number and we said are goodbyes and slit.

































































Chapter:
Cold winter


I left the door of his room open because he didn’t care. Any sane person would have me shut the door immediately. It was so cold outside that the winds blew in the whitest snowflakes ever. I guess you never see how different they are compared to normal colors unless you do what we were doing. When it is opposite and the snow is coming in and blowing waves of shiver and mist as I sat in front of the door. You can see every individual flake fluttering and melting as it blows farther into the warmer air of his room. Once you think about it. Take the time to find similarities. Each is flake different but somehow the same. I can only imagine a place were every one is the same because no one ever is, one small mistake, puts you future on the line. Whether it’s death, careers, or even your boy friend.

He came back with a cup of hot chocolate and a Christmas patterned quilt. He put the cup on his bedside table and unfolded the quilt. He stud behind me and flung it in the air. He pulled it down and it laid perfectly on me. Not a sock covered foot left out.

I looked up at him and smiled his favorite smile. He looked at me with one hundred percent sincerity and a tiny but cute smile on his face. He bent over and kissed my ear and worked his way down to my neck.

He grabbed my elbows and began to pull me back. He stopped when he got to the couch and sat down on it. He pulled me up to lye against him. He sat diagonally his back against the corner of the couch. He put his feet on the Ottoman that was the same gold and tan color as the couch. I put the pillow on the armrest and lay on top of him.

I could feel his body heat and like he said when he’s around me it makes him the greater human, slightly hotter then the rest. I loved how in the blazing hot heat he can be cool, breezy, and free air-conditioning and how, in weather such as today, he can be my warm fire. The breeze came and blew snow all around us but melted before it got within a foot of him.

He stared at me for a good long time and I swapped a few glances when I wasn’t mesmerized by the in coming snow.

He is an angel, him being his perfect self or his not so perfect equal. Through my eyes he is the same and that’s why I love him.

























The lake; true love


I don’t protest as Jared puts a blindfold over my eyes. Then he led me to the car got me buckled in and turns the car on.

“Where are you taking me?” I ask I’ve found lately I don’t like surprises.

“You’ll see soon.” I try to study the way he said that. There was no laughing or happiness in his voice. He is so good at hiding his feelings, almost too good. Which makes me a little suspicious because since he’s already so gook at lying why would he have to blindfold me?

Knowing him he won’t give in so I decide just wait till the car stops, which might take a while.

It got so I hot so I try turn the air conditioning on. I hold out my hand and feel the dashboard. I move my hand till I feel buttons. I push one. The radio turns on so I push it again to turn it off.

“What are you doing?” he asked. Why wouldn’t he need to turn the AC on isn’t he hot too.

“Trying to turn the AC on,” I say still feeling for the right button. His hand covers mine and pushes my index finger over a button. The air blasts my hair back. It feels good.

I put my head back and enjoy the air. “Thanks,” I say.














































Chapter / scene after lake


Sometime after the day they kiss at the lake and he turns in to a hunky-monkey.

We sat down at a picnic table. “So dose this mean your stronger now?”

“I guess so.”

“Well let’s see” I put my arm at a ninety degree angle and said “come on”

He said, “I don’t think this is a good idea” as he put his arm up and grabbed my hand. “On the count of three” I smiled and got ready.

As so did he. “One, two, three” I pushed and pulled till my vanes were popping out from my skin. I held my breath and released it over and over again. I wanted to see if he truly had powers.

“Look at those strong muscles” I said between one of my breaths. He looked down at them staring completely stunned. “I love strong guys” I smiled at him.

I expected that to be the thing that would make him do something. I don’t know how to describe how he had gotten so muscular so he must have powers, or something besides gym equipment to make him that way.

Bam! My hand had somehow made its way to my side of the table. I won, “You let me win”

He smiled “no, you’re just stronger then you look” his smile grew bigger.

“I want a rematch” I crossed my arms across my cheats and started to pout.

“I don’t want you to get hurt”. His look was sincere but I wanted to see how easily he could win. In a second my pouting was gone as I opened my mouth to protest.

“How could you get hurt in an arm wrestle?” I said sarcastically as I put my elbow firmly on the table. “Lets go” I smiled as he rolled his eyes. He out his arm up again.

“One, two, three” I pulled with all my strength and couldn’t make his arm even budge.

I began to get tired I held my breath and let it go what seemed like twice as much as I did the first round. He on the other hand was just giving me a little perfect smile. No sweat, no effort, and no desire once so ever to beat me.

“I can go on like this for ever, hunky” on the last word I smiled.

“ It’s only been a minute,” he said still smiling at my efforts.

Then I was getting panicky. I needed to think of something to throw him of his game, and quick. “Will you marry me?” I said it so fast I didn’t know if he even caught it.

That one did the trick, and with a loud Thump he slammed my hand onto the table. “Ouch!” I pulled my hand into the other and brought them closer to my face so I could get a better look.

He looked at me with grief and regret looking all over his face. “See that’s how you can get hurt when in a arm wrestling contest” he said sounding a little angry. I didn’t know completely whether his anger was towards him or me but all I did in response was smile.

I got up and walked over to sit next to Jared. I looked at him his new eyes a deep caramel gold and colorfully mixed circular masterpiece.

“Your so different now,” his eyes started to go back to there brown black self a frown wiped across his face. “ I mean that in a good way, but you can see with out glasses know right?” his golden eyes returned and his face flat with out the frown. He looked around as if he hadn’t noticed.

“I can see perfectly know” I leaned against his arm and put my chin on his shoulder and just stared at him.

“Your perfect”, I would cherish those words forever and he was perfect as long as I kept telling him that. A nice, extremely handsome, young teenage boy and I have him all to myself.

“I’m not as perfect as you though”, I smiled, as I couldn’t object to a complement, whether I believed it or not. He pulled his arm out from in front of me and rapped his arm around my waist to pull me closer. I wrapped both my arms around his now extremely muscular torso and tried to touch my hands on ether side. I was able to lock the tips of my fingers together but nothing else. His stature was now so tall I had to reach my neck out to just get the top of my head above his shoulder let alone kiss him. He would have to help out with that part.

“Do you know how tall you seem to me right now?”

“Probably to the point were you look like a dwarf to me” he looked down at me with a smile. I leaned in more to kiss his neck because I missed him lips. I kiss his neck another time and whisper “Can you bend over?” in his ear.

In response he toke his free arm and pulls me up on his lap. “ Is that better?” he hugged me closer to him.

“You could have just bent over” I said as I put my head to his chest. He laughed a little the vibrations of his voice were powerful but beautiful at the same time, as they rang in my ear.

“I already was” he smiled a little perfect smile and leaned over a little more. He kissed me this time directly on my lips. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled on his hair a little.

His hair was now an unnamed color. It had strands of black, red, blonde, and mostly brown all mixed in. Luckily for me he had no gray hair. The way his hair flowed couldn’t be cut that way at a barbershop being all wavy and curly as it was a little straight near the top so it came down a little above his shoulders. I ran my fingers over and over again through his perfect hair. As I ran my fingers through it there wasn’t a not in my way, oh how I wish that would be the same for me. His hair wasn’t very oily but it had just a little shimmer of the sun when you looked at it.

If he ever put a hat on, I thought I might have to blow torch it off. Though that might burn his hair off too. I am not a psychopath but I hate it when things don’t go my way, maybe he got the power of persuasion as well.

“Can you stair at the sun for a second?”

“Why?” he squinched his eyebrow together and let his glorious eye search my expression.

“Because I want to see exactly what color eyes you have.” I admit, my request was a little strange but who wouldn’t be when they looked at his eyes.

He looked at the sun “You’re a very strange person you know that,”

“Yes I know.” I looked at his eyes. Every little strand of color in his eyes was different. He had rainbow eyes the most beautiful eyes in world. Below the most perfectly shaped eyebrows and his hair. His eyes were not to close but not to far apart. They’re ovals pulled down just slightly in the corners but not too much. After ten seconds I realized he’s looking into the sun and he could go blind any second now. “Okay stop looking at it!” I half yelled in hesitation I have only had him for a few days and I also most just made him blind. He didn’t seem to care that I was yelling but he heard so he looked away. It took him a second of blinking till he could see me again.

“Sorry I just got lost in them.” I gave him a whining puppy dog look in apology, but he just smiled at me.

“So what color are they?”

“I don’t know they have a bit of every color in them, like the rainbow plus gold and other colors” he leaned in close to kiss me and closed his eyes right before are lips touched. I kissed him back but tilt my head back so he could get my neck and I could talk.

“Can you keep you eyes open while we kiss?” I bent my head down till it was straight again. His rainbow eyes opened and he began to kiss my jaw, then my ear, and my check, and my lips. I found it very hard to close my eyes now but I had to let in a few blinks. My blinks much more frequent then his now.

Mental note Jared can see better, is stronger, grew taller, and had every part of his face become perfect. Then as he kissed my neck some more I realized what had made him go from super normal to superman, me! When he thought I didn’t like how different he had become his eyes went from rainbow to black and brown like they used to be. But that’s just on of my theories. As soon as I thought of that the next thing I wanted to know was why Haden’s this happened to him before?

He kissed my lips on last time before realizing that I was barley-paying attention to him while I was in my mental minded state. After a second I shook my head and looked into his eyes.

Now, it seemed we both always had smiles on are faces. Now, When he smiled his jaw and cheekbones would stand out flawlessly. As for when I smiled my skin would just stretch across my face and highlight the pudginess of my cheeks. I had been smiling so much today my cheeks were beginning to turn red and burn, so I guess I just have to keep from smiling too much today. Yeah right, how am I supposed to keep a smile off my face when I have this angel in front of me?































Chapter:


After Jared and I made it threw my balcony window I was so high on that feeling that my mom might come in at any second and we’d get caught. Thank goodness my room has those rug or else even the sound of putting your feet on the floor would make some noise. But I knew mom wasn’t anywhere near the house right that moment, so we were safe.

Jared sat on my bed as he closed the window. “Why are you turning so red?” he asked looking back down at me.

“I don’t know it’s so exiting. You know the feeling that we might get caught.” I let out a sigh and smiled. “I’ve never sunk around like this before.”

“Oh, well you’d better calm down or I might have to make you,” in the second he said that my face went straight and I went silent. I let out a yawn and leaned my head against his shoulder.

“So what do you want to do?” he asked, breaking the silence.

“Hummm, I don’t know. I want to go to the moon but that’s not something we can do at are age.” He smiled down at me and kissed the top of my head.

“Hey maybe if I made myself tall enough I could drop you off,” and as he said that I could feel my hair being pull up as he grew taller and my whole body being pushed over as his arms enlarged next to me.

“No! Stop,” and then my hair stooped moving I looked up at his face and gave him a half smile. “If you get too tall I wont be able to kiss you without a ladder.”

“Yeah, I guess your right, my clothes won’t be able to stretch anymore before they rip like the Hulk.” He pulled his arms up and with a ripping sound, his shirt tore somewhere near the back. “So… it has its draw backs but I still love being able to tower over all those popular guys.” He continued as he put his arms back down.

“Yeah well don’t get to cocky or they might take your sudden growth-spurt as a sign that your on steroids or something.” He laughed and looked away towards the ceiling. I fell back keeping my head stiff, to see exactly what he did to his shirt. There w-as a large rip around the shoulder blades and it stretched from his collar to half way down his back.

Suddenly he moved his arms ripping the shirt a little more and he grabbed me by my waist and pulled me onto his lap in an aggressive movement. Once my face was completely turned towards his he started to tickle me and I squealed and laughed as I tried to ward him off. “But if I was a short wimpy kid then I wouldn’t be able to lift you and mess around with you as much.” When he stopped, I finally stopped laughing long enough to get a few breaths in. Smiling at him I tried to think of a way to bring him down, but I had nothing.

“Yeah like that wouldn’t be a bad thing you’d throw me around like a rag doll if you wanted to but that wouldn’t be as fun, right.” I went limp in his arms and cuddled up against his chest. “But, your right this wouldn’t be nearly as comfortable if you weren’t so big.” I hit him with my hand on his shoulder. He didn’t even move. “See a rock!”

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say your drunk” he smiled and started ticking me again “But your right, I think you are high on fun!” I screamed and gasped for air between his attacks.

“Sto-, stop! Stop! Stop!” I screamed as we both laughed together. I really wish I had a way to get back at him. He leaned in for a kiss and I leaned up to meet his. I love being his rag doll. Oh, how I wish he’d hold me forever. But before I knew it his was sitting all the way up, spine straight and the only thing not was his head staring down at me. A smile grew on his face as I stretched my neck and gave up the search for his lips. I fell back and put my head on the bed as his hand laid under my back still holding me. I breathed and closed my eyes.



The field trip
We all got word a week ago that we were going to a museum for history in Ragston and we all needed our permission forms and money turned in by Monday.

We were going to miss all of our other classes but I didn’t mind. It’s an hour and a half drive there and we were all stuck in one bus.

Jared walked over to me and stood next to me, insuring that if he got a seat he would save the other for me. We were near the end of the line and we got sent to the back. There was only one seat left after Jared snagged a completely empty seat, but the other student sat down next to him first. I looked around for another seat but every row was full, except the one in the in the front were the teacher was going to sit.

I was about to go and tell the teacher that I had no seat, as a hand pulled me back. It was Jared, “Hey sit on my lap, before the teacher sees.” Thank goodness for him I was not a very big person so I’d like a kid sitting on Santa’s lap. But I knew I’d take sitting on Jared’s lap over sitting in the aisle with all that gum and dirt.

I climbed over the kid sitting next to Jared and flipped over onto his Jared’s lap. “Thanks” I said smiling at him he might have to make me get up so he can regain feeling in his legs later but he knew that.

“Don’t worry about it I’m sure you’d do the same for me” he smiled smugly.

“Yeah right.” I rolled my eyes and laughed. I looked over at the teacher who was too busy telling the bus driver were to go then to look out for what I was about to do. I also looked around at my classmates most were asleep, staring out the window, or talking to the person next to them. So I leaned more on Jared and kissed him. It wasn’t quite a peck but it was still pretty short.

“Yeah, if this were the other way around you’d be crushed and I wouldn’t be able to do this,” he leaned over me and kissed me for way longer then I kissed him. My mind swirled and my eyes closed. He stopped and then gave me a peck on the lips one last time before laying his head back.

I laid the side of my head on his chest right over his heart. The thump, thump, thump, thump rhythm his heart had slowed down as he went to sleep and the sound made me does off too.

















































































The closet
Jared helped me make my secret room what it is right now. Without him I wouldn’t have my own space and him and without me he wouldn’t have found himself and me.

I took all the pictures I had taken while I was there and thumb tacked them to the wall above the radio. Most of them were of him and the land around here. When it was all done I couldn’t wait to show him.

Jared finally made it over a quarter after six. The second he made it through the door I had my hand around his wrist dragging him to my room. I was so hyper and jumpy I tripped coming up the stairs and nearly sent Jared and me rolling down the stairs. But luckily he had a good enough balance to catch me. I smiled at him as I continued to run up the stairs. “What’s with you today your practically jumping out of you shoes?” he asked smiling.

I laughed hysterically, “I don’t know I get this way when I’m nerves. It will ware off when my cheeks begin to hurt from smiling.”

“No I think I like it as long as I can get my mellow Jessie too. Too much hyper-ness makes you crazy sometimes. Wouldn’t want you to end up in a straight jacket,” he said laughing.

“Ha! Very funny.” As we neared the closet I said, “close your eyes,” he made a half smile probably trying to see if this was such a good idea.

But he closed his eyes anyway and smiled, “I don’t know what’s such a surprise I’ve been in there before, remember?”

“Yeah, I know but you haven’t been in there’s since I discovered it.” I took both his hands and turned my back to face him. I backed up and lowered down and so did he. I slowly backed up through the small secret doorway and pulled him with me.

I got his arms through and just when I thought he would make it he got stuck. His shoulders squished together and in frustration I began to pull more on his arms. At that, eyes still closed he said, “are you going to keep pulling or let me find an angle I can get in throw on my own? I’ll keep my eyes closed,”

“Fine” he pulled his arms tight across his chest and went through diagonally. Once he got his wide shoulders through the rest was easy. He wormed he’s way through and I helped him to his feet when he was completely inside.

“Wait here.” I said looking around to see what more I could do to make it look neat. I walked over and moved the curtains a little so when we sat down we could has shade. “Okay,” one final look around, “Open your eyes!”

The moment he did my face went blank trying to study his reaction. He looked around open mouthed at all the color and patterns he saw. He noticed the wall I could tell when his eyes bulged out a little. He walked over get a closer look at all the picture, drawings, photos, and just random things placed on the cork wall.

“Wow! This looks amazing,” he went to stand next to her by the window.

“You really think so? I didn’t know if there was to much color Or if I needed to clean more, Quite frankly I found I don’t know¾” he cut her off as he swung her up in his arms. He turned and sat down on the pile of multicolored pillows and blankets I had thrown on the ground.

“It’s great. Just the kind of place you can be calm at and not worry whether or not,” he broke off with a huge grin and poked my gut, “I like it!” He was leaning into her as he said it.

She laughed and stooped her head forward leaning against his chest. Staring down at the ground she said, “Okay, now I have nothing to stress over. Lets just lay back and relax.”

















































































Cry?


I could just feel the female hormones kicking in as my entire face turned a shade of pink darker then my usual. My eyes burned and became foggy as the tears overwhelmed the corners of my eyes. Slowly tear-by-tear I cried. I stayed quite, a silent film. The only noise was the sound of my tears hitting my shirt and the occasional time where I needed to breathe through my nose seeing as it became runny. I held my breath to prevent from whining. Which made my shade of pink turn red.

Eventually I was gasping for breath still crying. I don’t like to cry as much as guys don’t. I cry don’t as you my say, the ‘usual’ way. I cry at little for the reason I started crying then a lot for just crying in the first place.

But here and now crying even though I was mad at myself I could only think of him. He could make me feel better. He’s the hug you need to lift you up when you’re down. The shirt you cry on. The one to tell you, ‘It’s okay’ and stroke you’re her till you stop. I need him.

I made my way to the phone but slowly descended to the floor. Hugging my knees to my chest, I cried. If you didn’t know what why I was crying you’d think I broke something and had fallen to the floor in pain.

I was in pain my father is dead, my mothers not home, and my boyfriend, my lifeline was only a phone call away. If only I could make it there. I got up and picked up the phone in the kitchen. I stood phone in one hand whipping my tears away with the other. Once my eyes were clear enough to see the numbers, I dialed his phone number. After what seemed like an eternity I got the leave a message tone on the last ring. My voice was too shaky to leave anything so I just hung up.

Another reason to not like to cry your eyes become blurry and you walk into things even at the slowest pace possible. By the time I was up the stairs I could just barley make out the door handle to my room and my bed once I was inside. I slowly walked crawled onto the bed and flopped my face into my pillow. Drowning out the noise of my occasional whiners.

At that time I wondered if my mom knew. I could I tell her if she didn’t? She loved him I loved him and now he’s gone. I will never be able to see him again except maybe at the funeral. But I didn’t want to go to one anyway. I already feel bad for crying and letting myself hear it. Crying in front of realities you never knew you had. Trying to be comforted when all you need is three people. The one you lost, the one who needs you, and the one you need to help you make it.

I heard a thumping noise that made me look up. I whipped my eyes a little. I made out the shape of a dark figure standing outside my window. I crawled over to the side of the bed near the window and opened it. The figure took off there shoes and crawled in and kneeled on the bed as they closed the window.

Jared. “How did you, I didn’t leave a message,” I said in a whining tone. Stupid, I told my self, why do you have to be such a baby all the time? Suck it up! I took a long breath thought the mouth, trying to slow down my whining pace. My chest quickly went up and down in the rhythm of a fast heart rate.

I couldn’t see his face anymore but I felt his touch, His arms slowly pulling me into him. My head on his chest directly above his heart hearing it’s beat. I could feel him move leaning forward holding me close.

He would protect me, even from myself. He would never complain no matter how awkward this must be for him. He never had a mother figure, a girlfriend, or even a friend who was a girl. He never got to love his parents they way I loved mine therefore never feeling all the pain that was over whelming me right now.

Sad to say he is my guy, the only one I truly trust. I mean, come on a guy who either watches WAY too much television, which he doesn’t or just has that special touch you need. For his first major experience with girls crying and wanting to lean on his shoulder he was doing pretty good.

I pulled my head back and sucked up a long quick breath.

“Look at me I’m getting your shirt all wet,” I said flattening out he wrinkles in his shirt.

He doesn’t saying for a second, he just gives me a stern look.

“It’s okay,” is all he says.

That’s all I needed. I don’t heat any noise come out of my mouth. I just feel the hot tears coming down, never ending. There not tear drops there streams of sadness. I cringe which was supposed to by a smile. And let out a whine. I don’t whine after that I just try my best not to pass out between breathing, not whining, cry, and having Jared here to see it all. It’s very tough.

We stayed in that state. Where I cried and he said nothing, which was just what id needed for an hour. Finally the crying wears me out and I fall asleep crying on his shirt.

I awoke in the same spot only Jared had moved over to the end of the bed. The blanket on me wasn’t there last night but what else would he have done.

I feel the dried crusty tears on my face as I stare at the blanket and smile. I get up and try to tiptoe my way to the bathroom and in my silent stride I step on the creaky board. I slowly move over it to the other side. Glancing back at Jared I see he’s still asleep.

I go to the bathroom, first to just check out how awful I look then to make myself look better. I start with the dried tears. Soaking a tissue in the sink and I wipe the reminders of yesterdays cry fest off my face.

I wet a hairbrush and detangle my hair. Once I look fairly decent I make my way back to my room.

I try to tiptoe over the creaky spot again and cringe as it creaks loudly. Once I make it over to the silent grounds I look up to see Jared smiling at me.

“You get this funny face when you try to be sneaky. It’s kind of cute,” he half and half laughs as I rejoin him on the bed.

“I didn’t want to wake you. I must have been a handful last night,” I say looking up at him. He just straightens up and puts his arm around my shoulders pulling me into him.

At first I didn’t really get what he was doing till I tasted a salty wet tear that had just rolled down my face. Finally he says, “You were but you needed to be, you had every right to be. I’m proud of what I did last night not annoyed.”

Were quite, but we both know that’s best. I don’t make a noise and neither does he. The tears are still pouring but I don’t know why. My head is clear and my throat is dry I wonder what this is like for him. Trying to give my mind something to think about.

I pull away and be whips my tears with both of his hands. Then his hands cup my cheeks as his thumbs still whip away my falling tears.

“Are you going to be okay? Oh of coarse your not going to be okay I’m just…” he trails off this is what I was waiting for. The phase of his overwhelming shock. When he closes his eyes he moves his hands off my face to whip them. He yawns.

“Thank you,” I say before he can say anything I hold up my finger. “You stayed up with me and now your tired. Go to bed; use my pillow I don’t care. Just do what you want because with out you I wouldn’t have every right to tell you that.”

I leave him confused I am a little confused myself but it was the closes thing I had to a come back. I leave to go downstairs.















Jared- making the good better again


I stare after her, as she walks away. I’ve never felt this bad in my whole life. Why do the worst things have to happen to the best people?

Should I go after her or wait for her to come back? I want to help but how. I let her cry but she needs more then a shoulder.

I decide to stay and wait for her to come back to her room. I try to channel her face and my surroundings to bring her into focus. I let my eyes wonder as if I’m walking down the hall and following her. I stay there on her bed watching her descend the stairs crying. Sometimes all people need is space and when there ready they come to you. But for her own safety I’m looking over her. She doesn’t have to now I’m watching though.

I focus so hard on watching her I can feel drops of sweat building up on my forehead. Though I stare on ready for the out come.

Soon enough she decides to return. I see her walk up the stairs slowly. That gave me enough time to whip away the sweat on my face and focus atop focusing on her. So I wait staring at the door. Then I finally notice the handle turning I turn my back to the door and look out the window and pretend to be lost in thought.

I heat the creaking of the floor as she walks to the bed. I feel the pressure of one of her knees pulling her on the bed and then her other knee. She crawls on her knees over to me and wraps her arms around my neck. She lays her head on my back and stays silent. She moves her arms and wraps them around my chest locking her fingers over my heart.

I know she doesn’t know but I can hear her crying. There’s a very soft whimper and gasp before and after every breath she takes. But it’s so silent I bet she can barely hear it.

I didn’t realize I was holding my breath until I heard my pulse ringing in my ears. I drew in one large breath expanding my chest so much she can’t lock her fingers together anymore. She hugged me, as her hands grow farther apart. I let the breath out and close my eyes. I grab her hands before she can lock them together again.

“Jared,” she said with a sob. Then she pulled away and moved to get in front of me. Her eyes were scrunched up in the corners and her face was in a grimace shiny from the tears that were rolling down her face.

“ I- I’m- so sor- sorry-.” She squeals on her sorry but that’s not what makes me cringe. It’s the fact that she’s apologizing at all that ruins me. What does she have to apologize for she didn’t do anything. I feel a tear roll down my cheek and lower my head as it lands on her forehead.

It’s at that moment that she stops. She stops breathing and stops blinking, she just stares at me. I think I might have done what I did before somehow and yell, “Move! Wake up!” I lean in and hug her till I feel her breath again. “I’m sorry I thought I might have done something to you,”

With a straight voice no flaws she says, “It wasn’t you. I just realized how hard this must be for you and I’m sorry.”

I stroke her check and whip away a tear. “I’m crying because your crying I can’t stand to see you cry.” I smile at her, as she is able to make a full smile with no quivers. “I love you. You’re a part of me so when you feel I feel for you too,” she lifts her hand and whips away my tears.

“Let’s go over to my house okay.” I said deciding to take action instead of sitting here and crying.

She nods her head but as I make to get off the bed she leaps at me in a tackle. Before I would have fallen backwards but her tackle only moved me a little. I smile as she hugs me. It is good to know she still has some play left in her.

I hug her back and rub her back lightly. I move to get up dragging her up as she locks her hold. I move my hands under her arms and lift her so I can carry her on my side. I don’t like to think of the way I treat her like the way someone cares for a child but in this case I think it’s best. She moves her arms and wraps them around my neck and I hold on by her waist.

She nestles her head in my neck and stays quiet. I slowly walk out of the room down the stairs and out to my car.

When we reach the car I bend over to let her down, but she won’t let go. “Come on you have to let go.” I say as I pull her arms off my neck and plant them by her side.

I open the door to my truck and let her in. She scoots over to the passenger’s side as I get in and close the door. She grabs the end of the one seat belt seat buckle and hands it to me. I buckle us in and snitch it. She leans into my shoulder and scoots closer to me. I pick my arm up and drape it over her shoulders.

She hasn’t said much, or even cried that much since we left. See just stares out the window and watches the road below us. My house is pretty far away so it took us about an hour to get there. I decide to call my uncle when I see her eyes close.

I grab my cell phone and dial his number. He picks up on the third ring.

“Hello” he says in a groggily voice. He must have just got up.

“Hey, it’s me” I say in a whisper.

“Yeah, hey where are you? You got to stop this disappearing act I’m getting worried.”

“Yeah I’ll leave a note next time. But Jessie do you remember the girl I keep telling you about?”

“Oh… yeah. Yeah I remember now,” he was never that good with names.

“Well she just found out her…” I lower my voice even more. “Dad died and her moms away. I spent the night yesterday and in think she should come over to our place until her moms back,”

“Um… I think that’s a good idea. But you know if her mom doesn’t know Jessie’s going to have to call her up ad tell her.”

“Yes I know, but she can’t be alone right now and your always good at making people feel better,”

“Okay you bring her over here. I’ll tidy up really quick, how long do you like it will take you to get here?”

“About 10 minutes, but she’s asleep so I can park the car and we can go in when she wakes up,”

“Alright,” he agrees as he hangs up the phone. I put my phone back in my pocket, and keep driving on.



When we arrived at the house I parked in the driveway and parked the car. Knowing my uncle he’s probably shoveling are junk and trash into the closet. He was never much of a cleaner and neither was I. So I waited a while before turning off the engine incase the silence would wake her. When I did she didn’t even flinch.

I looked down a few times to see if she was awake, She wasn’t. When I finally did look at her awake she was glaring into space, her eyes wide and full of tears. She cried in her sleep too. More then anything I wanted to take her pain away. Feel the pain she feels for her. But that is beyond my capabilities so I just squeezed her shoulders and didn’t look at her.

We waited in silence until we heard the front door slam shut and my uncle run out towards the car.

“That’s are queue,” I said hopping out of the car and bringing her along with me.

“Ok.” She mumbled looking barely aware of her surroundings and my uncle who was staring at her at the time.

“I’m sorry, sweet heart.” He said and with a shock realized she didn’t really know who he was. “Oh I’m Uncle Buzz, you can call me that or just Buzz I don’t care.” He held out his hand waiting for her to replay. All she did was stare at him without looking at him like she was looking through him or something.

“She’s really not with it today Buzz,” I said shaking my head in apology.

“It’s okay, I understand. Um… lets get her inside.” He put his hand on her shoulder and gave her a light pat. I took most of her weight when she leaned against me so I just decided to carry her in. she wrapped her legs around my side and leaned her head on my shoulder. I adjusted her weight to one side and held her one arm around her waist and the other holding up her legs, toddler like again.

I walked after Buzz into the house. She didn’t move, speck or anything really. I wish she would be like herself again.

“Lets eat I made spaghetti.” Buzz declared after he shut the front door and walked into the kitchen.

I followed him, Jessie still in my arms. The giant bowl of spaghetti was in the middle of the table. I set her down in a chair and sat down next to her. I stared at her and looked deep into her eyes. I saw the thin layer of liquid that was coloring her eyes. Then I saw and through her amazing hazel irises I saw a blank black dot. At the moment there was nothing behind the wall it was just there not letting anything out of anything in.

I got up to get the plates and cups.

“What do you want to drink?” I asked both of them, but only staring at her.

“Coke, I’ll get it out.” Buzz said as he opened the refrigerator.

Her eyes flickered a little from side to side and she slowly shook her head. “Don’t care,” she said in a voice that wasn’t hers alienated through her blank eyes and coming out unrecognizable.

I pour her some soda from the bottle as Buzz handed me along with two more for him and myself. I walk the drinks over to the table and set them down where we were going to sit. I put the soda back in the fridge and return to the table. Buzz seats himself soon after with napkins and sets them on the table. We start dishing up and stuffing our faces with out any second thoughts. Though Jessie just stared and watched. I sat up from the table and dished her a plate.

She picked up her fork and stuck in the food moving the noodles around. I ate and tried not to look at her and Buzz did the same. It was silent until I decided to take action, “Jessie stop playing with your food and eat.” I said in a stern and serious voice.

She looked up a bit and stopped twirling food. She froze as if I had broken her heart by trying to help her. I slammed both my hands on the table and yelled “Jessie, eat! I’m not going to tell you again!” she continued to stare at me as if I broke her heart but she didn’t move or even acknowledge my request.

I slammed my hands on the table which made it wobble and stood up straight letting my chair fly and fall to the ground with a bang. I stalked out of the room and didn’t look back.