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I think I've remembered my biggest fear. I'm not sure if it is a fear or just plain insanity. I only get it in the twilight stage of sleep. I wake up and I'm out of control. I've had this problem for as long as I can remember. I try to forget it, cause it was some sort of dream, but it's all in my head. It's something mind blowing and it makes I start to freak out. I can't really explain it. I've tried to explain it to people before but I just can't put my feelings down in words.
But when it does happen I do freak out, and it has nothing to do with blood or stress or anything! It's just something in my head, my own wild thoughts. I try to do anything I can to try and forget it but it's really hard to. This time it had something to do with the lost fragments of time and how "big" or "small" they are. Something like that. I'd been watching Doctor Who all day.
But after I've calmed down enough I'm tired and want to go back to sleep but I can't because I know if I lay my head down and let my brain rest I'll think of it again and I'll start to spiral into madness. This scares me so much. When this happened to me last night I had to pull out an old Harry Potter CD and listen to that to get back to sleep. I let the music remind me of Hogwarts and I can fall asleep better.
I'm one of those people who just need a little thing to remind them of something. Like a mark on my wrist or a string on my finger. So the music really can help me forget, especially when it strongly reminds me of something. Like a good music video or place. It really does help.