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Dear someone,

Several years have past since the last time we saw each other in that light... Since we promised we'd never part. Yet, we did... It ached and pained me for a very long while with a screaming sensation that still haunts me sometimes. Did you ever care that much? Sometimes I wonder... The worst part was knowing how badly you ached too, and how neither of us saw it coming or found a way to stop it... How bitter we were towards her, the woman who broke us apart. "But all of that was ripped apart when you refused to fight... You couldn't hate enough to love..." Why didn't we fight it? I forget. At the time, you made it seem so convincing that it just couldn't be... Why not? I don't remember anymore. "Angels lie to keep control..." Two long weeks that are blocked out of my memory because of it... I woke up to find you with crazy riddles and threats of suicide... How badly I ached, it still rings clear in my head... In my heart... "I still press your letters to my lips and cherish them in parts of me that savor every kiss..." And when you found another after so long of promising you wouldn't, it stabbed through me more than any knife ever could... "It took the death of hope to let you go..."

Even though I'm with someone now whom I would never leave, there is always going to be a part of me who will love you just as much as I did the day before you left... Even though I think of you as a sister now, just like back when I used to call you "Onee-Chan" I will always have special emotion for you... whether it's love or hate I cannot seem to tell... Why so bitter? I'm not sure myself... "My smile was taken long ago if I can change I hope I never know..." I'm addicted to my sadness, suppose... I can't bear to hate you though... You're my sister... "I only wish you weren't my friend then I could hurt you in the end..." So if by any small chance you still give a damn, or if you feel the same way, keep it to yourself... I have no idea what I would do. Would it ache? Would it feel good to know you suffer as much as I do/did? Maybe both. I don't know. Either would turn me deeper into a monster than what I already am. "And love is just a camouflage for what resembles rage again. So if you love me, let me go and run away before I know. My heart is just too dark to care."

"If you still care don't ever let me know."