My time has come, and so I am gone. To a better place, far beyond. I love you all as you can see. But it's better now, because I am free. It's the loneliest feeling in the world - to find yourself standing up when everyone else is sitting down. To have everybody look at you and say "what's the matter with her?" I know what it feels like. Walking down an empty street, listening to the sound of your own footsteps. Shutters closed, blinds drawn, doors locked against you. And you aren't sure whether you're walking toward something, or if you're just walking away. I know what its like to want to die; how it hurts to smile; how you try to fit in but you can't; how you hurt yourself on the outside; to try to kill the thing that's in the inside. It's like I realized that way down inside, I have always been lonely for something. But I don't know what for. It's like everybody in the world want's something. Only they never really know exactly what it is - they just keep finding out what it's not. You know how, when you turn off the TV or you come out of some concert, and everything just feels empty? Like you thought that would be what you wanted, and then it wasn't? People are always telling me to smile, like smiling is going to just take away all the hurt and pain. Well I have tried that I have tried hiding my sorrows and covering. Pain is my friend, it tells my when I'm seriously injured, it keeps me awake and angry but the best thing about it is it lets me know that I'm alive. The sadness in smiles and what I have learned is that when it hurts this much inside your heart always has a way of showing it no matter how many masks you wear. Let no one think I gave in. Everybody's searching for a hero. People need someone to look up to. I never found anyone who fulfilled my need... a lonely place to be, and so eventually I learned to depend on myself.
xxKura_Lov3s_Yamixx Community Member 
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