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My name is Vincent, thought No.1. Hello, my name is Simon, thought No. 2.
The theatre teeming with culture from the movies shown, to the people that watch them, to the amount of cushioning on the seats. Dr. Mudd was seeing a movie about angels and demons and then his sick twisted little b*****d mind (he was in an animal testing division) got an idea.
Back at the lab Dr. Mudd yanked Dr. Schell into a janitors closet, which was luckily moderately roomy. (Dr. Mudd was moderately fat) They conversed on hurried whispers. “I’ve gotten an idea,” said Dr. Mudd. “What is all this nonsense? And what about?” retorted Dr. Schell. “We’re going to need two identical babies even if it means cloning.” “Oh, what animal?” said Dr. Schell “Human.”
Roughly a month and a half later the two doctors had acquired a male baby and were in the cloning process. “ So what are you planning next Mudd?” said Dr. Schell. “We must find the Angelic and Demonic Burial Grounds, Mudd replied. Then we will excavate until we find the wings of Satan and the wings of God. Then we will keep them in close proximity with the children, the wings will grow into the children and become proportioned to the child’s size this will create a new God and Satan and since they are twins except for being Satan and God they will be equal and theoretically it will create ultimate harmony,” said Dr. Mudd. “ ARE YOU CRAZY CLONING HUMANS ISN’T EVEN LEGAL!!” yelled Schell… “Maybe I am.”
High within the mountains of Chile, a large group of vampire bats slept soundly. A few miles off, Mudd and Schell are supervising an excavating crew. “So what are we doing here?” asked Schell. “We’re looking for the wings that Satan once had on his back” replied Mudd. “Oh, it’s getting kinda dark. Maybe we should call it a night” said Schell. “HELL, NO!!” yelled Mudd… “You know vampire bats are supposed to live around here”, said Schell. “Your point being?” “Just trying to make conversation.” “Well, why don’t you pay attention to your crew—look at that guy,” said Mudd.
“Whoa, hey!!”
Schell ran off.
Mudd stood there for a minute without interruption of his thoughts for the first time in a few weeks. He thought he heard a faint flutter. He dismissed it as a large leaf-like insect sitting about a yard away. A few minutes later he heard it again, but louder. He looked. There was no insect, only a leaf. He prodded it… no bug. Now the noise was constant and getting louder. Then he heard screaming. It sounded like Schell. Schell ran back into the clearing, still screaming. Next came the bats. Huge ones! Eight foot wingspan, capable of draining a grown man in a few minutes. They knew this because they saw it. Now they were all screaming, running, swearing, running some more, and trying to hide. A few were trying to fight the bats off with shovels and such. They died. Mudd and Schell ran like hell and made it to the truck where they were safe until morning.
“I told you we should’ve called it a night,” said Schell.
“Well we’ve only got another seven feet,” Mudd replied.
“We lost half our men. It’s going to be slow,” said Schell.
“We’ll make do”.
A little under and hour later, one of the men called. “Sir, we’ve found something!”
Mudd and Schell ran up.
It was a very intricate stone sarcophagus, with demons and flames on the lid in bas-relief. Mudd broke into maniacal laughter. Schell just sighed.
That night Mudd got drunk. Schell walked up to him and said, “You know, those bats were guards.”
“But we kicked their a*hic*sses, didn’t we!”
“I was just saying God’s sarcophagus might also have guards.”
The babies were now two months old.
They found God’s sarcophagus fairly quickly, because Mudd had figured out exactly how to decipher the prophesy.
It was in Asia. They had found the place where God’s sarcophagus was. It was kind of nice, thought Schell. It was a fairly large bamboo glade where they had seen various deer on the way in. Deer. They continued digging. “There are tigers in Asia, you know,” said Schell.
“Maybe we should take one back to the lab,” replied Mudd. Schell grunted in disapproval. Schell hated his job: in fact he loathed it. It had haunted his conscience ever since he started, just to make a quick buck. He vividly remembered a rabbit’s screams when he poured molten lipstick into its eyes. He wanted to quit.
He ended up telling himself he’d quit when the opportunity decided to knock. The crew kept digging. Occasionally they’d hear a rustle. They just assumed it was a deer. It probably was. They were getting close, and then a blaze of orange and black. Lightning speed, with a ferocious snarl. It was out the other side of the clearing with a man’s arm. Then they heard the squeal of a frightened deer. That tiger was a guard, and that was the warning shot. They quit for the day. It was only 3:00 PM.
Mudd devised a plan that night to leave meat around which might distract the tigers from their duties long enough for them to finish the digging. The plan worked. Not splendidly, but it worked. When they reached the sarcophagus they were puzzled. They expected angels and clouds to be carved into it but it was dolphins and waves. They returned to the lab with only one thing missing—a man’s arm.
 Galakxy · Sun Jun 25, 2006 @ 04:30pm · 2 Comments |
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