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I'm already missing my boyfriend. It hasn't even been a day yet, but I need his touch. I need to hug him, feel him, smell the axe he puts on, the feel of his soft lips on mine.
I remember everything in my mind. I picture them vividly, and it's hurting me more and more everyday. It's going to kill me, but I know in the end, everything will be worth it.
It's just so damn hard for me to get my life together.
If I let myself, I will sit here in a depressing place in my life and do nothing. That's what I'm worried about...
 +Pepsi.Product.Orgasm+ · Sun Aug 17, 2008 @ 11:23pm · 0 Comments |
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I'm sitting next to my boyfriend feeling content about my life right now. I have a plan for life. I have another goal to reach for, to just change my life completely and break my ties away. Basically start fresh from where I was before I was going downhill and depending on everyone for support. I still need that, but I'm finally making decisions that I can go along with and not just blindly go in, like I was planning on doing.
People are so damn happy in North Carolina. It's weird because up in Indiana everyone is on a high horse. Probably because it's so damn cold there, but that still doesn't give them the right to be like this. I like this more relaxed, laid back town feeling. The neighbors are friendly as hell, and I don't feel weird or awkward when going shopping and just feeling natural.
I think I've find my home away from home. I've never felt like that in my entire existent, which isn't very long because I'm only nineteen. It's just sad that I'll have to wait a few years before I can just pick up and move, but I need to get my life together back home. I'm going to get my GED, and my driver's license. I'm going to apply to colleges for a major in business and a minor in writing because I'm thinking about raising and owning a ranch with horses. I'm going to start a training center, not too expensive, but I will need to make some kind of living.
I also want to write a book someday about life in general. I've heard so many interesting stories and I'm continuing to hear interesting stories. It's pretty exciting.
Life is exciting.
+Pepsi.Product.Orgasm+ · Sat Aug 16, 2008 @ 05:27pm · 0 Comments |
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I'm sitting here pondering why my life hasn't taken a turn for anything right now? Maybe it's because I don't have the right motivation? I'm not really sure at the moment, but I've been up all night stressing out about Patrick leaving.
If you don't know who Patrick is, he is the love of my life. He's going to Nascar Technical College, so that he can build motors for Nascar. He eventually hopes to carry out his dream and be a Nascar racer. I believe he can make it, because he does anything he puts his mind too.
I'm the polar opposite of him. I have no motivation to live at the moment besides him keeping me grounded and on my feet. He's the one that has pulled me through my dog's death, my attempts to blame myself for everything that has happened with my sister's ex-husband, my sister betraying me, and my friends turning my back on me. He is my best friend. It's going to be so hard for me to let him go so that I can grow up, too.
That's besides the point. I might start working on the novel I've been wanting to write, soon. It's about my life experiences, and others that I'm going to intertwine into a mixture of sadness and relief for life.
I hope my book has a happy ending. This is the beginning of another chapter, yet it's still hard for me to fathom that he's going to be gone completely from here. He's always telling me that it's just temporary for me to get my life together, and I'm afraid I will never fully get it together. I'm just afraid I'm going to be the dead beat girlfriend that everyone criticizes for just being a loafer.
I'm just waiting for my chance to sign. Maybe I will find it within myself one day. I guess for now I'll just have to sit back and let everything run it's course.
+Pepsi.Product.Orgasm+ · Wed Aug 13, 2008 @ 11:19am · 0 Comments |
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