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This isn't cool my friend is leaving cause of some moron that can shut her mouth
.(-_-). And that really pissed me off! She didn't even get to finish her dream avi!!
cry
 BabySquirrel · Sun Oct 08, 2006 @ 10:47pm · 0 Comments |
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Board!!! omg cute guy in my Tx hist named peter~ hes like super mean but in a fun way xD like he would be mean but at the same time super nice!
BabySquirrel · Mon Sep 25, 2006 @ 05:41am · 1 Comments |
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do people understand,
that Im not great or grand,
Please someone lend a hand,
get me of this god forsakin land,
tis the day,
Last of may
I shal say,
my life is no longer gray,
For the sun nolonger burns,
My life is making turns,
now you see,
The new life in me.
BabySquirrel · Sat Sep 23, 2006 @ 05:13am · 0 Comments |
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I had to take it off my myspace i scouldnt stand people. |
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My dad was diagnosed with bone cancer the year I was born. Bone cancer is apparently impossibly to treat. My father was the one who balanced things out and the one who kept people in line. I remember one time when I was irate with Ben. I was having a freaking tantrum because of him. I told my dad. He looked at me and asked about Ben parents. I told him Ben was an orphan, my dad told my not to take pity on Ben and not to be angry with Ben but to forget what had happened. And to wait for things to cool down. He was a genius. The day he told me he had cancer I was six. He told me he would die in six years. I think he was only guessing but man that was an extremely great guess. He drank a lot. He was an alcoholic which is another word for really likes beer. Still, he was super funny! He made pretty broad and vulgar jokes but still. I love all of them. It seemed like he never slept. I was the kind of kid who couldn't go to sleep so I'd walk around and I'd see him in the kitchen listening to art bell --- I don't really know how to spell the mans name but it was a radio station --- drinking beer. In a way he was like a bullet proof shield that I always had by my side. I was never scared of anything with him around.
About a year and a half before he died, he was going to the hospital... like once a month. I can still see the flashing lights of red, white, and blue it was all I could see cause it was so bright though. I can remember my mom and my sisters waking me up and telling me dad had a seizure. I was scare for the first time in a while. The doctors told my mom he had lung cancer. It was a shock to everyone. As more time passed it seemed like he was always in the hospital. HAHA my mom tried to sneak in beer for him! It was funny cause it worked. But there were times when the hospital wasn't funny. Actually I think it was the one of the last times I saw flashing lights. It seemed like the entire grapevine police were there. All my dad wanted to do was go home. He couldn't hardly walk. But those stupid cops were being stubborn mules! My dad would try to stand up but there was a cop hovering above him that would push his shoulders down. I can remember it like yesterday. Some dumb nurse was talking to my mom while the cops where around my dad edging him on. An the nurse was saying stuff like "you should really think whats best for your children and try our new experimental drug" That dumb nurse! I couldn't see my dad dying over an experimental drug! But when ever I would tell my mom something like mom dads calling you or mom dads wants to leave or mom maybe we should think about this. That nurse would give me a cold stare and tell my mom its for the best. Now thats what can knock a girl down. I was standing literally in the middle of everything. The nurses that were gossiping about the police, my sisters gossiping ---insulting--- the nurses, the cops telling my dad he cant leave and the nurse the kept bugging my mom. Eventually all the cops left probably to go pig out somewhere. And my dad was going home with us. I don't know how it happened I was just sitting there frozen and then I blinked and my sister was dragging me to the elevator.
More time would pass and well, more flashing lights, but every time my dad got something new. "sir you have a hernia" "you have a tumor" "you have another tumor" "you have a brain tumor". I couldn't believe how sick my dad was and yet its was nearly three and he was listening to the radio drinking. Irony had to come though and a few days before my birthday my dad was in one of those funky hospital beds and he told me when we get out of here he was going to get me something for my birthday. I was so happy till the doctor came in and shut the door looking down. He said my dad know had multiple tumors and they all had increases five times in size cause of his drinking. I didn't cry. I only left the room and washed my hands. I think I was trying to forget that moment, I don't know maybe wash it off?
The next day my dads doctor ---who had been his doctor for a while--- walked in with a nurse and another doctor to agree with every word. He said that it looked bad. And it seemed the entire room got quiet when my dad asked couldn't you just pull them out like apples? I think he was trying to make a joke so I wouldn't feel to bad. The doctor didn't know but answered with a echoing no. My dad asked when he would die. The doctor said in a few hours. But before listening to my choking on tears said or days or weeks or months. He died the night. Night before my birthday. Irony strikes again. My dad will always be a huge influence on me. There will always be a small hole in my heart from him. The day of his funeral I was looking down at me fathers face. He mouth was sewed close.
BabySquirrel · Mon May 08, 2006 @ 06:27am · 1 Comments |
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