|
My signs that depression has enter the chat |
|
|
|
|
|
|
I wanted to go on Life Discussion forum and ask everyone this question; but I can see that I just want to talk about myself; and that would not be fair. Though I do think its a GREAT question to ask the community of how they can tell when depression gets into their minds. Perhaps one day I will, or someone else will.
I recently left my guild, which was a very close knitted group of people. We were on everyday for nearly a year. It was the best case of getting social interaction in, and combating loneliness and boredom. However I found out about some problems, and out of moral reason; I left pretty quickly.
But I was already feeling some depression coming in by the way I was getting treated the last few months; but I really took a heavy shot after I decided to let it all go.
Here are my own signs of depression. (Perhaps you can relate.)
- Constantly talking to myself internally and externally -
Its the conversation of "needing". "Tomorrow I will do this, do that, etc." and it never tends to shut up. I notice it hanging out in my head almost all day. I want to constantly journal or do audio journals to tell the tall tale of my pain, my future, my "I will eventually get to it" list. I know its a way of coping with pain, and just facing forward to not worry about it tends to be my weakness when depression has to make a big deal about EVERYTHING with no action to fix it. When I am good, when something needs to be done; it literally gets done. No wallowing in thoughts about doing it, or worrying.
- Waking up to existential crisis -
Its like the ping pong effect with this one. When I don't go do my day's work, and I just sit around playing video games, creating Gaia avatars for hours, and thinking about what needs to be done at a constant rate; I wake up with regret and feeling awful. Its such a dreadful feeling because my mind gets to this point of feeling like I will never be good at anything in life, that the way I lived was too long, I am failure, and so forth. That is my pain.
- I start believing in some odd spirituality
My most recent example of this is crystal healing. Its almost as bad as anti vaxxers and essential oils. I know this stuff is placebo, and at times it does give a bit of relief, but when I do snap out of it; its a distraction, and it costs money and time to deal with it all. It just feels like I am playing with a bunch of pretty rocks hoping it will make me feel better in the long run. And its not just crystal healing, its like anything spirit wise. Trying to pray, or think there is a looming asshat hanging around in my room giving me anxiety. It just becomes this delusional distraction because its so easy to ignore my pain by going to something that is mysterious, and adventurous. Its like playing a video game, but without the knowledge that its all fake and your brain is just being a coward in the time being.
- Confidence is gone -
The job I use to do feels like an impossible thing to do now. Talking to people on the daily, being honest and upright seems too scary because someone might be upset with you. Its just a buttload of problems with esteem.
- Bitter and negative thoughts of the world -
You feel everyone does not like you, or things that people do just feels so off putting and annoying. I really hate this one because I know better than that, but depression literally just casts a spell on me and I can't even get out of it until its gone. I tend to get snappy too when I should just chill. I hate it so much.
Everything feels so difficult to do , and I want to be alone all the time
I tend to not have a job when depression gets me, and I isolate myself. What a way to destroy someone's reputation when the brain decides it doesn't want to be in a good mood.
 Yerisi · Fri Jan 15, 2021 @ 07:46am · 0 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|
