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This is another rant. I love ranting.
I've struggled with my faith for about 2 years now. I went from being Christian to being a radical atheist of the worst kind around that time. From there, I went to being agnostic, after the provoking of my bible-thumping friend. I came pretty close to getting back into the faith, until a friend of mine, (Whom is a radical atheist.) began to agree with my doubts. I was agnostic for awhile, and now I think i'm going back to atheism. --Not that any of the above matters much, seeing as nobody can really help me in detail knowing that.
----------I grew up pretty naive. I was fairly sheltered, because both of my parents were conservative in their parenting, (Both of them are together, so that doesn't matter.) but we never went to church. Everytime we planned on going, which was often, something would always come up. My father worked constantly, and we were always prone to sickness, which hampered our ability to come. Eventually, we gave up on going altogether. Religion once again took a back seat to life.
Fast forward about a decade, and you've gotten someone who's always believed in Christianity, but never really knowing what it was, or ever giving serious thought to it.
Then the thought dawned on everyone that maybe the religious teachings weren't entirely what they truly believed in. Everyone, suddenly, was agnostic. Myself, being naive as I was, followed them. A close friend of mine (Whom I know will probably read this. >.> wink would always come over to my house, and, sitting around the table drinking ice tea by the gallon, would always discuss religion. She brought up some good points, and concerting my thoughts, this made sense. I became an atheist around this point, I think.
After that, religion took a backseat to life again, --this time, for about only 6 months. I saw less and less of my friend, (I was going through a rough time, at this point. This is a time where I will freely admit that I was an idiot.) and less and less religion crept into my mind. I was a definite atheist for this time, and I felt that I had a certain "Truth" on my hands.
Religion appeared to me again in the guise of a friend. I had few friends at the time, (as he enjoys constantly reminding me, --he did introduce me to the love of my life. More on that later.) and their opinions swayed my greatly. Jake is, to put it in my favorite term, a bible-thumper. He was madly in love with me at the time, and when he discovered that I was an atheist, he went and made it his life quest to convert me.
He half succeeded, at this. He poked at thoughts that i'd almost forgotten, and brought me back to an agnostic standpoint. He continued to fight however, for the sake of "Saving my soul". I still suspect to this very day that he just wanted me to convert so that I could be acceptable for him to date.
Around that point, he actually did ask me out, and our friendship crumbled slowly from there. To this day, I'm still not entirely sure why. Either way, he used religion (and later on, trying to guilt me out of a relationship.) to start many arguments with me, and in turn, this caused me to believe subconsciously that the faith is corrupted, and it pushed me further from it. I was once more, back at an atheist standpoint around the time I met my beloved.
My beloved and dearest Snookipoo, (Don't laugh. It's what I really call him. I know you're going to laugh. I'm not laughing, see? So don't laugh. :/) was a good friend of Bible-Thumper's. They were both polar opposites, which struck me as odd. My Dearest and I both shared the same odd sense of humor, and we both tended to over-think things entirely. After explaining to him my theory that the world was all a figment of my own imagination, he decided to set off on his epic quest to prove that the world actually existed outside of everyone's minds. At this point, we started a series of emails.
Then we fell in love. To spare everyone the details of another sappy love story, I'm going to go on and leave it at that and say that because of this fact, Mr. Conservative has resentment towards us, which only pushed me further towards atheism once more. My Dearest Snookipoo comes from a devout Catholic family, but he's strayed from the faith. He believes in come form of an omnipotent being, but beyond that, he hasn't gotten anywhere. I'm not even at that point, yet.
As far as my beliefs go, I'd like to believe in a kind and benevolent god. --Though i've always found it rather difficult to accept that. As far as the afterlife, I cannot come to terms much with that, either. I disagree with most of the views that popular Christianity brings forth, (Their ideas on Homosexuality, for example. Abortion, too.) and I doubt i'll be able to accept the Christian faith in it's full. The same applies to atheism.
Any help would be appreciated.
 The_Naked_Archeologist · Mon Jun 18, 2007 @ 03:24am · 0 Comments |
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