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VOULEZ VOUS COUCHEZ AVEC MOI
In French, this means, "MY p***s IS IN YOUR a**s."
Voulez is a thread in the Commerce where 16 year old weeaboo yaoi-obsessed girls can go and pretend to be "Kawaii shouta uke boys", and basically pretend to have sex through writing. There is a courting process that lasts roughly 3 to 4 posts. There are a few established definites when one enters Voulez
1. Every man and woman is a woman, no exceptions.
2. Everyone is convinced their character is the most gorgeous and charming character. If you don't instantly want to elope with them, you are stupid and blind.
3. If you stay you'll get AIDS.
What are the origins of such a place? Well, back in the ancient days of Gaia, a bunch of pretend-faggots roleplayed in a thread called QUEER! , Run by a dyke and full of almost half the AIDS that Voulez contains now. Within this thread, two douchebags named Charon and Raz made completely exaggerated characters. Like all characters who are both homosexual and happen to post in the same thread, they turned into some kind of couple. Somehow, the queerness of QUEER! was not queer enough for them. They needed a new place where they could kick up their faggotry to the next level, and let all forms of fangirl abominations run free. Thus, Voulez was born.
Of course, all sorts of people stuck to that s**t like flies. They are, as follows:
Razeara: The head honcho. Raz is the patron saint of Voulez, and is the sentient representation of all that it is. Raz's character is thin, petite, and is basically a woman with a d**k. It's an angel, but is saved from Mary-suedom by being an emotional ticking timebomb that can't look a woman dead in the face. Contrary to how Raz may appear, the angel is a goddamn ruthless dominant ********], and has probably boned your whole family before finally getting to you. She will ******** you as you try to roleplay with her, bringing up anything from cramming a dustpan inside someone to gangraping some newcomer. Raz will most likely deem anyone who enters Voulez either "Cute" or "Cool" depending on what kind of character they bring to the table, but if Raz finds some reason to hate some character, they are automatically a ******** asswipe, and everyone will see them as such. You will be guaranteed to see a ^____^ face. You WILL be raped by Raz with some inanimate object. You WILL walk away with no masculinity left, even if you ARE all women. Resistance is futile. Angels are virtuous creatures by nature, and if there's one thing Raz revolves around, it's an orderly Voulez. If you so much as scuff the floor with your feet, Raz will bend you over the counter, shove a mop up your a** and demand you clean. Am I emphasizing the a**l insertion of objects enough? Raz, will in fact, not let you suck his c**k in the kitchen. This has been tried. You're better off strapping demon wings to your bag, running in and going "I TAKE YOU, MY LOVELY CHERUBIM". All newbies want to bone Raz when they first enter Voulez, it is a given. Sometimes Raz will indulge said hopefuls, but only to achieve something malicious. When the thread first started, about ten guys paraded in confident that they were going to get into Raz's periwinkle pants. Charon broke a vase. Everyone got cockblocked. Raz can never be trusted. What may seem like a tasty, harmless milkshake is actually packed with crazy angel aphrodisiac that will probably make you j**z in your pants. What may seem like a harmless shower is tainted with d**k-shaped soap. Raz is the King of Voulez, despite the angel's obviously feminine ways. Why? Because Raz will let you know who's the b***h, and it always just so happens to be you.
THERE HAVE BEEN RUMORS that Raz is not in all cases a domineering sadistic maniac. These are mostly folktales and hearsay, and should be taken with a grain of salt.
Charon: Charon is the embodiment of every muscle-obsessed f**'s wet nightmare. Strapped with huge, hulking musles that are obviously the result of steroid overdose, he nonetheless has a complete lack of any testicles, as seen in the manner which he is gratituously bullied by anyone and EVERYONE in Voulez. Charon has spread his legs for just about everyone in, Voulez, no exceptions, and as such he walks about with his butt clenched all the time, in order not to have all the man-milk in him flood the floors of Voulez and anger Raz, which might lead to another butt-raping. Charon is the complete opposite of Raz; far from being a patron saint, he is the incarnation of all that is unholy within the walls of Voulez. He tries and fails constantly to impress womenz, asking them if they would like to bear his children. Of course, due to his own genetic inferiority, they rarely accept.
Ren: Ren is a demon with lung cancer. If you are roleplaying with Ren and Ren is not smoking or drinking, you aren't actually roleplaying with Ren. He's one of Voulez's only blonds, so it can be assumed that he is their biggest ********. Even against the blatant stupidity of Charon, Ren holds a candle. Ren has a tail that is a pain machine. This tail is always slipping around thighs or inside of assholes. Don't even look at Ren's tail, you'll get the germs on your eyes. Ren would have been dead millions and millions of years ago from the nicotine, but he is INVINCIBLE AND EVERLASTING, so really Ren's body just became 100% made of smokes. Having sex with him gives you lung cancer too. In fact, so does having a conversation. Just stay away if you like breathing. Recently, Ren's love for boobs transformed him into a woman, finally giving Charon a baby machine. Charon now uses Ren as his "beard", and Ren goes out at night to strip for money that she leaves under Charon's pillow ( No satire there ). Ren will have sex with Charon in most any situation, and this includes her time of the month. Luckily, the incredible amounts of blood Charon has injested one way or another pose no threat to him since they both have AIDS already.
Freakshow: The only virgin character in Voulez DISREGARD THAT I SUCK COCKS.
Likes to put boobs on people.
Sebastian: Sebastian is DEAD. Like, super dead. Not in that 'oh, I'm a vampire' kind of dead or the cool zombie-brain-eating variety either. This ******** lives up in a goddamn attic, and makes a living out of being the "Bishi casper" One should know before you approach Sebastian, that he [******** loves sweaters. He will freaking haunt you, possess you, curse you, whatever it takes to get his grubby hands on your winter wear. He says he wears boots because he loves "riding", but everyone knows the only thing he likes to ride is c**k. He's a blond like Ren, but it hasn't been determined if he has ******** syndrome akin to Ren. He can MAKE YOU FEEL EMOTIONS. Means that no matter what, if he wants, he will FORCE YOU to feel bad for him. Or make you happy to kill yourself. He regenerates, so if you ever need to take out some aggression and just try to kill a guy, Sebastian is your man.
-Still in progress-
 Charon Eris · Thu Nov 12, 2009 @ 01:46am · 0 Comments |
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