I can't believe I have been on this site for almost five years. Not persistently, but hey, my profile says I have. To think, that I was only 16 when I joined this site. A hormonal teenager just trying to figure out what she wanted to be in life. Unfortunately, now at the age of 21, I still struggle to find the answer to that question. What do I want to be? Growing up, I always dreamed so big. I wanted to be things that took a lot of determination, connections, and miracles. A singer. An actor. A model. For many years, I tried to hold on to these dreams, but so many people have torn me apart, ripping the my beautiful curtain dreams down. Now, I'm to the point where, whatever I do, I am never happy. Over and over I'm asked to think of my interests, to help me find something I should get a career in. Of course, my interests were always singing and acting. But yes, those dreams are too big. And who was it that said we couldn't always live a life of happiness? Confucius? Mark Twain?
-Sigh- But, even I have traveled down the road of unhappiness. Trying out different majors: graphics design, radiology, video game design. I even tried out theatre because I love acting so much, but eventually I realized that wasn't going to get me everywhere. I mean, what the heck was I going to do with a degree in theatre besides teaching it? Hah. I couldn't be a teacher even if I tried. I'm too sadistic. I feed off of other people's failures because my life already fails. Is that the reason I came back to Gaia? Because I have nothing better to do or maybe I'm just trying to inspire myself? The first option seems more likely.
Insert another sigh here. Whatever the case, I'm just hoping there is a silver-lining on that cloud that always seems so out of reach. One day, I will catch it, but until then, I'll just work on getting the motivation to do so.
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Steff's Journal
A little about me and my everyday life. The life of a future actress and how each day she grows into a success.
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