This just might be my last (hopefully).
I never expected to end this semester on such a high note. I've been journaling for over a year, and if you count from beginning to end, it has been a highly depressing year and a half (i was so messed up). I remember when I started this, all I wanted was a girlfriend. You know, someone to talk to, share my life with (after giving it some thought, all i wanted was someone to b***h to). I don't think I really knew what happiness was and I though I would find it in a girl. I haven't found that girl yet (but i thought a lot of people were her. veronica, ameera, nicole, julie, melinda, sometimes marcela, etc...). But During my search, I've go through so much more. I've been denied, rejected, depressed, alone, afraid (i could go on forever). I turned myself into the world's first male drama queen. I blamed other people for my downfall (i blamed myself for my downfall). I never stopped wanting things. "Why don't I have a girlfriend? What's wrong with me?" I was such a little b***h; crying out to anyone, but no one would answer (so i stood, alone).
But that all changed as I entered my senior year. I was put into Lawlor's Calculus class, Ballek's Sociology class, and Career Prep (my college classes at mercer county community college). It was at these places (these amazing places), that I was changed. Lawlor. she is by far, my favorite teacher in the world. I may have only passed with a low C, but I learned so much more It was in Calculus (weird, right?) that I learned to be myself. Through the "bozo, freak, weirdo, panda lover, crazy" and other barrage os teases thrown at me by Lawlor, I was accepted. I spoke more in that class that probably every other class combined (not really). It was in that class that I eventually built a small circle of friends. Nicole, Josh, Imani, and Victoria mean more to me than anyone will ever know. I can't beat Nicole in a swim race, and I'm not smarter than Imani. I'm don't have a car like Josh, and I'm nowhere near as hard working as Victoria... But we all became friends (at least in my mind). I looked forward to that class to the very last day. I would sing with Elexus (yes, with an e). I would go back and fourth with Lawlor. I would get confused by whatever Sean was trying to say... And I would love evry minute. Sociology was another story. I was in a competition in that class (against marcela). SHe was the best, and for a time being, I was second best. I knew I could do better than her on every project, but her high test grades ere to much for me (plus senior-itis set in). Even after falling behind, the fact the she was there, pushed me though to end with at least a B. I know I made fun of her sometimes, but what she doesn’t know is that I respected her more than anyone else in that classroom. AJ and Ikenna were almost always fun to be around (except when aj would hit me, why the ******** does he think he can just do stuff like that?). And then there was college class. The one place where people actually referred to me by the nick-name that I've always wanted, Panda. It was at MCCC that I learned to play Halo. It was there that I learned binary. It was there that I learned be my own man.As I'm sure you know, I'm going to college soon. My preference is Rochester Institute of Technology. It's about a 6 hour drive. I'm going to be far from the people I once cared about, and to be honest, I might forget about some of them. I'm afraid to be going alone; I don't want leave a place that I'm just getting ready to really love. College is the first step in my walk towards my dream life. I want to work for Google. I want to help the world. I want to help people, using the amazing technologies that are available all over the place. I want a family, and I want to live in a nice city (maybe seattle or portland). I want a lot of things (and if you've been reading this entire time, it might seems like i've gone back to step one). But now the things that I want, are the things that (i might not necessarily need), but are good for me and will server a purpose. other than instant pleasure or happiness (i also need to break a few bad habits; biting my nails, etc...).
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Peace Guys and Girls... Rock, Rock On.
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P.S. - If ever you are in need of good music, you can't go wrong with these guys (always fresh, always worthy, always cool).
Peace Guys and Girls... Rock, Rock On.
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P.S. - If ever you are in need of good music, you can't go wrong with these guys (always fresh, always worthy, always cool).
xxxxNujabes
xxxxPeople Under the Stairs
xxxxPase Rock
xxxxBlue Scholars
xxxxPrefuse 73
xxxxLemon Jelly
xxxxDa' Grassroots
xxxxCyne
xxxxUyama Hiroto
xxxxDela
