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I had a strange day today. It was really awesome but at the same times I'm depressed. And i know it. It's because of Ben. I couldn't stop thinking about him. I saw Kurt today and i was so excited. I'm so jealous of his girlfriend. He was trying to tell me that he thought be had cheated on me. He almost made me burst out crying. Shane and his friends came into the store and they were really annoying. My manager thought Shane was pretty good looking. Ha that's so funny. I think he is too but he's such a weirdo. Kim asked me to go get her some lunch so i did. I saw Shane on my way back and he gave me a pair of sunglasses he just got but didn't want so i traded them in for an awesome pair. Tom offered to buy me lunch so Shane and his annoying friends would leave us alone. I talked with him for a bit then he left. I was sitting in view of the entrance drawing. I heard a whistle and looked up. Raphael, Ben, Nick, and some other guy where there waving as they walked by. Of coarse. To make my day better. I called Tom and asked him to come back and talk to me. He did and i told him that Ben was in the mall. He really helped me not get upset. Then Raf and Ben and those guys came over. They talked to me and i stayed really strong. It felt strange though. Sarah came over and hugged me and talked too. After they left Tom said I did really good and then had to go. I stood at the back counter and could feel the tears coming into my eyes and i knew it was going to happen. Just then Kim walked out so i started to casually wipe my tears away. She turned around and asked me why it looked like i had been crying. I told her and she said everything would be alright. I hate being sad. After work i went out and talked to Luke for a little bit at the watch stand. Then i saw Mike Jones, Tristan, and a couple other gents so i quickly said good-bye and jumped over to walk with them. Mike put him arm around me and pulled me in a silly way which made me laugh. We stopped to talk to Katie [my friend that is] at the Pretzel Time booth and she gave me a free slushy and chatted with us. I still had Ben on my mind though. So i called Dennis. I wanted him to make me feel better. He answered and i asked what he was up to. I told him i had a shitty day and wanted to hangout. He told me that he was feeling Anti-Social and was sorry. I was totally disappointed and i still am. I thought he cared about me. I wish he did, so badly. I don't want to call him or IM him. I've been doing that the past couple days and it hasn't been going to well. I don't know what i'm doing with him. I really want something to be going on but i'm not sure if it's going to. If he's the kind of guy for me. Instead of going to Dennis' i want to see Transformers with Tristan. I didn't have any money so i snuck in. Tristan is actually pretty cool we talked a little when the movie was getting fixed. He's pretty pleasant and made me happy. The movie was amazing but still i couldn't stop thinking about Ben and if he was in the theater with us. He told me he was going to see the movie tonight but i think it was the 8:30 one. After the movie i came home and now i'm just sad alone. I'm not crying but i'm sad. I forgot to tell you. I was talking to Tom and he asked me when we were going to get married. It made me laugh and i told him i don't do the marry-your-friends'-ex. It would be a massive sign if Tara Lee left Pittsfield for good. I don't know what i would do. I think it's a good idea if i go to bed now. I have that interview tomorrow so i should get well rested.
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