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Hello sinners and welcome to blasphemy corner. Today we will be demonstrating numerous explicatives and exclamations involving Jesus, the Holy Spirit, and other biblical figures. We'll be starting with the phrase:
Sweet monkey christ!
This is somewhat plausible since Christ lived a long time ago and therefore was closer to the ape end of the evolutionary spectrum.

Our second selection for today is:
Jesus tap-dancing christ!
This too is quite realistic, as the bible clearly says that the lord danced. That is was tap dance is highly unlikely, but the book never clearly states what manner of dance the lord performed so for all we know Jesus was a stripper.

Our next demonstration is:
Jesus ******** christ!
Now this particular one is particularly questionable, as it is widely believed that Jesus never engaged in sexual relations. However we must consider his close relationship with Mary M, a woman known for sleeping around. It's possible, that's all I'm saying…

Our next and most misunderstood shout out is the well known:
God dammit!
This one is poorly exercised. By the stories in the bible, we see a perfect example of our to properly "damn" someone. We the jews were blocks by a great castle on their way to the promised land, the marched around the walls for three days and then shouted at the keep, and lo the walls fell down! Simply put, if you want to get revenge at someone you only have to walk around their home screaming like a whiny little b***h.

As we near the end of our program let us bring in the words:
Holy s**t!
This too is perfectly real enough. Jesus was human, at some point in the day he had to take a crap. What else would you call the droppings of a divine savior? In a way, it's almost a compliment!

And now let us a finish with an old favorite of mine:
Jesus, Mary, and ******** Joseph!
This is very realistic. After all, think about it. How long had Joseph been Mary's husband? And yet she was still a virgin? How else does one manage this unless Joseph had a serious oral fixation or was into sodomy?

Well that's all the time we have for today. Tune in next time for more on how to offend priests, reverends, zealots, and other religious nut cases. Goodnight Sinners!