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It was the first time I ever saw snow, on the day of my eighth birthday. I saw kids playing in it while I examined the fluffy white stuff closely. I was a little afraid of the snow and when if first landed on me I screamed, stumbling backward back under the sheltered alley that was my home. Everyone laughed at me as it snowed harder, the kids then ran back out into it, laughing and having the times of their lives. I took a step out of my refuge and into the white wonderland. I let it fall around me, covering my blonde hair until it was so soaked it hung in front of my sapphire eyes. I let it fall on me, all over me until I was like the grass, completely covered in it. I sat out in the snow even after all the kids were gone, called inside and welcomed by hot cocoa, a warm house and a family with blankets. Something I’d never known.

I threw snow everywhere, whirling around in it, throwing it at trees or anything else that sway or moved. I played until I was so soaking wet with the snow that I was gathering ice onto myself and I couldn’t feel any of my body parts. I didn’t care; I played on. I heard crunching in the snow behind me, but didn’t mind it. Having too much fun to barely even notice it. “Would you like to join me for dinner, little girl?” A sinister voice said behind me. I froze and shivered, not from the cold, but from the tone and sound of his voice. I turned so I could see his face and looked straight into his blood shot eyes. They were red; the eyes of a starving man, of a man too driven by hunger to know what he was doing.

I shook my head, trying to find the little voice I had, but I couldn’t reach it as it screamed at me to run. “Oh, come on. On tonight’s menu there’s a speacial, you!” He said with a laugh that could’ve broken glass. It had the sharpness of fingernails against chalkboard but the deepness of the ocean at the same time. I tried to walk back, away from this crazy man, but staggering instead and falling into the snow. I tried to crawl away, but his hand caught my wrist and held me there. He leaned closer.

I accepted my fate then, closing my eyes and waiting for pain and emptiness to hit me with the strong blow of a sledgehammer, but there was nothing. No pain, no emptiness, no nothing, just my unsteady breathing and a gasp then nothing. The man’s hand on my wrist loosened and I pulled away quickly, looking at the damage. The only thing that was wrong with it was a red ring around it and the extensive pain of a broken bone.

I turned back to look at the man who had had me by the wrist only to see the scarlet blood spattered upon the innocent white snow. I stared at the man, lost in my own world of stunning trauma. The whole world came crashing down on my eight-year-old mind, and reality with it. Was this world all about killing? Blood lust? Murder? What kind of world did I live in? I thought as I stared at the man while his blood covered everything and I’m sure that it covered me too. I didn’t notice the other’s presence until I saw his shoes and pant legs above the other man, like a hawk staring at it’s pray. I followed up his black pants with my eyes until I could see him. He was like an all black angel sent back down to earth.

His hazel eyes interrupted by his long black hair. I stared at him now, his face mysteriously hidden behind the drape of raven hair. He bent down to meet my eye level and I tried to crawl away from him. “There’s no need to be afraid.” He said his voice like silk and velvet rubbing against my skin. I looked at the man on the ground and he followed my gaze, then I looked back at him. “I won’t hurt you.” He said extending his hand to me. I stood and staggered back again with my teeth chattering from the cold and my lips blue.

“Who are you?” I whispered. “Why did you kill him?”

“Because if I didn’t kill him, he was going to kill you.” He answered back.

“So? What’s my life worth?” I asked my voice still no more than a soft whisper. He didn’t answer. “I don’t have anything to live for to begin with. I have no family, I live in that alley,” I pointed to the alley with a thin blanket and a covering of cardboard boxes, “and I can hardly keep myself fed! What do I have to live for?” I asked again.

“Come here.” He said.

“No.” I whispered as if it was painful to even hear those words and it was. I’d grown up with people telling me that and then molesting me or raping me. The pain that I’d gone through had scarred me for life and I’d probably never get over the fact. Just then my vision went all fuzzy and my eyes closed. I felt the cold coming in quickly and then nothing.





I woke in a cold sweat on the mattress in the dark room. I heard someone calling my name but I was too caught up in my thoughts, my dreams and my past. The line replayed in my head over and over. What’s my life worth? I couldn’t shake the voice that was triggered by it, saying that I was worth less than a tiny corner of paper and I was hardly worth saving on that cold night seven years ago. I looked out the window and saw more rain coming from the sky. I was used to the rain and it calmed me, telling the words of worthlessness to go away and soothing my mind into a state that couldn’t have been broken. But once again, I heard my name being called in an angry chant in the background.

I stood up on shaky legs. I couldn’t place the voice and I couldn’t separate it from the cryptic thoughts. What’s one life to a vampire? Are lives like flowers to them? Even if they don’t want them they’re there? Or are we more like money? They have to earn it before they can take it? Or are we like animals? Hunted and tracked, trained as loyal companions or they’re used for food instead? After all, what was one life in a trillion? One in a gazillion? Why are we so much like dogs? I thought angrily at the human race. What’s my life worth then? If people are like dogs, then what am I like? A girl more fragile than wilted rose and the bones of a bird. That’s barely worth worrying over! I shook my head. Then why would Serven care? Did he just save me because Master Lavon needed a new servant? I heard the voice then.

“Cathy!” I looked up with surprise when the voice seemed closer then the thoughts. Master Lavon stood in front of me with a worried expression on his face and his hands on my cheeks.

“Yes Master Lavon?” I breathed.

“Thank god! I thought you were taken by Serven again!” He said releasing my cheeks. Serven was the vampire inside of me. A monster, a deadly weapon that made my blood sing with power. But he still was my one true love. But the power in my veins attracted every vampire from up to a hundred miles away. They could smell my blood as if it was right in front of their noses. Every moment of every day Serven tries to take over and I fight him off until the right time would come. I shook my head at that thought. “What’s wrong?” Master Lavon asked me.

“Nothing.” I whispered. “Did you need something?” I asked him looking up into his gray eyes.

“Not really, I’ve been calling you for the past half an hour, but you never answered me.”

“So you were calling me? Is that what I heard? I thought it was…” I trailed off looking at the ground.

“Thought it was what?” He asked. He tried to stay out of my mind as much as possible, to avoid problems with Serven who protected my memories and my past, locking them away from me in tight coils. It was our deal. If he kept my memories away from me, I would go out in the middle of the woods and let him loose. Although I stopped him when he got too close to a village or city.

“Nothing.” I said turning away from him and looking out the window again. It was raining harder now and it was a perfect time to play a game of Serven and the animals. Serven was like a vampire; loving the thought of a chase. I was once afraid of Serven and still kind of was; he could kill me and take over my body. Although the wound would never heal and he’d have to drink more blood and thus killing more people leading to his own demise. “I’m going now.” I said pulling on my denim jacket and my shoes and heading for the door.

Master Lavon grabbed my arm. “Now just wait a minute!” He protested. I turned to look at him. “Why do you think I was calling you for half an hour?” He said.

“I don’t know. Nothing by what you said.” He thought for a second.

“Never mind what I said before! I need you run an arraign for me in town.”

“Okay, as soon as I let him out.” I told him.

“No, now!” He yelled.

I could feel Serven raising in protest and getting angrier and angrier by the second I was standing there. “Please! He’s getting upset!” I told Master Lavon, my voice still calm and quiet.

“You treat him like a child! He’s not a kid! He’s dangerous! He could kill you at any second! He’s no different from that man seven years ago!” Master Lavon yelled at me.

“But he is! He’s part of me! He loves me!” I shouted back. It was the first time I my voice was raised more than a whisper since I was first in the snow so long ago. My hand went automatically to my mouth. I was stunned with myself. I turned away from him and ran out the door. I ran down the long black halls, down the fifteen flights of stairs and out the front door, leaving everything behind.

Once I was out I was so tired of running down the stairs, I fell onto the wet ground and stared at the sky. Master Lavon was at my heels the whole time but he seemed to have stopped. I stood and turned so I could look at the big black building. I wonder if Master Lavon is mad at me… I thought, staring at the looming dark building. I turned and ran. Is Master Lavon as stunned with my as I am with myself? Am I going to get whipped again? What is going happen when I get back? I thought as I ran aimlessly.

Before I knew it, I was in the middle of the forest. Okay, Serven, now I’ll let you out, but you need to promise me you won’t kill anyone this time! You can kill animals, that’s it! Hear me? I thought to him.

“Yes, Cheri Cathy.” His voice filled my head the way liquid would fill a drowning car with no windows.

What did I just say?

He snickered. “Nothing, you thought it, Mon Cheri, but you told me to only kill animals…This time…” He snickered again.

And I mean it! I thought angrily.

“Je Sais, Je Sais.” He said.

Good! I thought back, releasing my aura and letting him free. I felt myself transform from a woman into the man that I’d loved and who was imprisoned inside of me. His blood lust suddenly covered me. You heard me! I told him.

“I did and I won’t kill anyone…This time…” He snickered. I’d forgotten how beautiful his voice was and that was a problem. I frowned inside of him. “What’s wrong Mon Cheri Cathy?” He asked starting to walk.

It’s nothing. I said back to him.

“It’s something, I can feel it.” He laughed suddenly, braking all quietness in the forest.

Behind you! I yelled at him. He moved with extraordinary speed out of the way of the blades that swished past him into the tree.

“You!” He said angrily turning his head. I saw him then, Master Lavon stood there with a furious look in his eyes that made my quiver in fear like a puppy that had just been beat and saw the man with the belt coming at her again. “Why do you always try to kill me?” Serven yelled.

“Because you took her from me! You took away my Cathy!” He yelled.

Me? I thought.

“You’re pathetic! All of you half breeds are!” Server laughed at him but the humor faded quickly when two more daggers were thrown. He dodged them effortlessly and getting so close to Master Lavon that even I could smell his sweet breath. The sweet smell of peppermint used to excite me and make me happier than ever, but now all it did was scare me more.

What happened to him, Server? What’s wrong with him? I thought worried out of my mind for him.

Server jumped back, just barely dodging the dagger that had been swung at him. “He wants your blood. It’s been calling to him for seven long years, as it has been me, but some of us have more control over our blood lusts and can keep them hidden for long periods of time. But he’s only a half-breed, he can’t control it anymore.” He thought dodging countless attacks, jumping and running.

“Stop!” I screamed taking control of his body. “Master Lavon, please! If you kill Server, you’ll kill me as well! Please stop!” Master Lavon paused for a moment then threw another dagger. I felt something I haven’t felt in a while, a feeling of separation and desperation for saving someone. I felt myself separate from Server and then I felt the sharp pain of the dagger breaking though my skin. The look on my master’s face was probably much like the one on my face. Stunned.

Two different bodies…But we still share one mind, right Server? There was no answer. Server? Server? No! Server! My mind screamed. I heard a voice that repeated my name. “Cathy? Cathy!” It yelled, but I couldn’t feel anything anymore, just the warm rain on my face. Wait…Rain isn’t warm…Are they…tears? But whose tears? I thought as I felt something ripping through my mind like desperate attempts of getting through a quicksand.

“Cathy! Cathy!” I knew that voice.

Server? I thought. Not able to keep up with everything around me.

“Cathy are you alright?” Server yelled inside of my mind. It shuddered at the tone of his voice, so thick with worry and fear.

Server? Is it really you? I asked him feeling like I could float away at any minute, but I didn’t want to. I wanted to stay here with Server forever, just the two of us, like on that snowy night so long ago. Server? Am I going to die? Or am I already dead? I asked the hidden voice.

“Cathy? Is that really you? The Cathy I know wouldn’t talk like that.” The voice said and I felt the tearing stop. My mind crushed around something, something real, physical. I heard a scream as if someone was in pain, but couldn’t place it.

Server? Server, are you hurt? Is it me again? I asked the ever-lasting shadows that wouldn’t disappear. Server, the shadows…They’re closing in on me…Please Server…help…I couldn’t think anymore, couldn’t pay attention to the voice that was still calling me, could barely breathe. Was I really dying? I couldn’t tell weather I was floating or sinking or just staying there.

Something touched my lips, just barely brushed them and I suddenly felt the weight of the world pressing down on me, the pain in my chest, the ache in my lungs as air came in. All I could think was; I’m not supposed to be alive, I’m not even supposed to be here. I figured out I’d been crying or someone else had been because there was a long line of warm liquid on my cheek. I gasped for air, and I gripped the ground. I felt something touch my hand and I opened my eyes. Server was leaning over me, his face blank. I had been crying. I winced at the pain of moving ever so slightly and felt Server grab my hand. I felt someone grab my other hand and looked over and Master Lavon.

I felt dizzy; the whole world was spinning out of control. I let out a scream as I realized what they were doing. They had transformed me. Server had kissed me, giving me death and then Lavon had touched me giving me immortality. “No!” I screamed fighting to get away from them. I felt something snap in my arm and winced in pain. Master Lavon looked at Server with a worried glance and Server looked at me then my arm as I did. It had popped out of its socket and was hanging there limply. I screamed at the sight of it and tried to pull away from it. Then I clung to Server with my free hand and told myself, my own soul, to reconnect with Server’s.

He must have felt what I was trying to do because he pulled away from me, but I clung to him with my life and then felt attachment once again. I was suddenly with him, but I still felt mangled and beaten. I curled up out of his reach and went to sleep, I couldn’t care less what he did now, as long as I felt his presence I was fine with whatever.



I finally woke and saw Master Lavon through my own eyes. “Was it a dream?” I asked him softly.

“No…You were really detached from Server, but why didn’t you stay that way? You would have been vampire, immortal, staying with him as you once did.” He whispered.

“Because…I don’t want to be vampire.” I said rolling over and flinching from the pain. I let out a heavy sigh, closed me eyes then and tried to go back into my dreamless sleep, but it was an impossible feat. Master Lavon laid down beside me and snuggled you to my back, holding me close to him. I opened my eyes and stared into the outside world.