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Ethan hasn't been feeling good at all for the past few days, and it's really scaring me.. Usually if he ever felt bad, i could just call and make him feel better, or let him lay down for a while, and he'd be fine.. But it's like now there's nothing i can do. i hate feeling useless like this, it just conferms it.

i woke up last night just thinking about this, around 4AM. I't's weird, but i can't say in that house without getting a headache.. When i finally got back to sleep all i could dream about was trying to help him from over the phone.. i'm used to trying to help everyone, whether it helps or not.. And just knowing i can't help him now at all..i feel so pathetic.

i swear to God, i think he's dying, i'm so ********' scared.. i don't want him to die, damn it, why is he dying?! *cries*