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Is it the end, or the begining?

all summer, I feel like I've been slowly suffocating...

every breath I take is not enough...I can't live, it won't sustain

I feel like there's a gaint gaping hole in me

a missing part...

I don't understand it...

I'm the fixer, not the one in need of fixing

I'm the healer

not the one in need of healing...

I don't break...I'm happy, life is good for me

I'm even excited about school starting

everything is great...

so why can't I breath, or think

I feel like I'm slowly numbing, like I've been injected with novacain...

every step I take is a step in the wrong direction...and I'm just getting myself more lost and confused...

soon I'm going to collapse, and end up dead in myself....

I feel like I need to get out of my house

I say that the pain will pass

it always passes

just keep moving...

just go forward...

but I look back...I try to see what's solving it...

I try to fix it

I can't

I'm lost...

stuck here...can't go forward can't go back...

I leave the house randomly, go anywhere...try to get away from it all

I need to breath

what if the end of summer....is the end of my strength and endurance? my stamina? my life....

but what if it is the begining?

I KNOW what I want in life, I know what I'm going to do!

I have plans....

will I be able to keep going on ahead?

or do I need the pain to survive....

has my synical annalysis of the world led to this, or is this just a projection of my thoughts....

is it really true...

that we must suffer to survive?