As you know, my body image is something that i dont feel comfortable with. As days went by from my last journal entry, my self-esteem plunged lower. I lost more weight and now up to 120 lbs. which is consider "unhealthy" in my family. My favorite aunt even began to call me "fideo" which is spanish for noodle. Now she compares me to her daughter/my cousin because she is also skinny but the family seems fine with her weight.
The thing is, i love the way my cousin looks but i dont know why my aunt compares me to her because she barely has any body fat. She is so fit and im just filled with fat in areas im uncomfortable with. She has the body that i want but i know that i cant achieve. Her chest is way smaller then mines and she can wear anything she wants. I cant because of my chest size which is way I want implants.
Not only to make me look better but to make me feel better with myself. I'll be able to wear those cute tiny shirts but right now i cant. I cant wear cute simple bathing suits because i have to put on a certain type of swimwear to suit my chest which i hate.
Today i was looking through the Playboy Book they had in Barnes & Nobles. And i was like woah look at her body and look at her chest. It was like perfection and what i see in them is something i dont see in me. Its something that i want to look like. A nice body with a not too big not too small chest,and the gorgeous a** that I've been dying to have but once again it wont happen.
Sometimes I just wish to have the perfect body so i dont have to go through what im going through now, then again how could i help someone with self-esteem issues that i would never have?
 thisDoRkluvsu · Tue May 13, 2008 @ 10:54pm · 0 Comments |
