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Let's start off my admitting... i have a HUGE problem with the way people think. For the past 11 years, I have tried very very hard to supress my random acts, my nerdiness, and my looking like a dork. For for 6 of those ******** years, I was an outcast until I learned how to control the way I acted around people. I was a nerd, I was a dork, I was a geek, and I was an outcast becasue of it.

I know a lot of you can relate because I know there are people just like me out there no matter how hard you try to hide it. The way I do things are out there, I agree. The words I speak, the actions I take, and the way I try so hard to survive each and everyday.

I learned how to fit in finally 2 years ago! ONLY 2 years ago. And now, I don't even feel comfortable doing that either.

I have some quirky traits that I would love to just lay out on the line RIGHT NOW so if you have a problem with it, F.U.C.K. YOU!

1. Car air conditioners put me to sleep
2. I have a need to fix people who are crying
3. I can't go on any family or friends trip out of my house without my stuffed dog.
4. I can't sit in a chair with both feet on the floor. I have to sit indian style
5. I have 1 moles on my face, 1 HUGE mole on the side of my neck, and 2 moles on my back. I hate them, and I'm ashamed of them.
6. I can't sleep in PJ bottoms because they ride up my leg during the night and irritate the hell out of me.
7. Whenever I put anything seirious out their for people to debate and talk about, the laughter does in fact kill my happy mood. Whether in jest, whether in honest laughter, it sucks. I despise people who laugh at my opinion.
8. I can't stand swimming suit bottoms. I hate them, they disgust me, always have. If there's ABSOULUTLY NO CHOICE, I will wear them. But know I hate every second of it. I swim in jean shorts all. the. time.
9. I'm alright with taking off my shirt and walking around in my bra. I don't care. Deal with it, or leave the room.
10. I hate being single. I hate being alone when I wake up. And I hate when i'm reminded of it.
11. I love my solidarity. I grew up alone, and prefer it that way. You take it offensivly then, I'm sorry you do. I can survive with 3 good friends, but if I can't have them, I'm perfect on m own. I can always trust myself to not judge myself too harshly to the point where I get pissed.
12. Yes I have strange opinions on s**t. I have big dreams. Refer to 7.
13. The words Crazy and Emo ******** up my head. they're words used to hurt and to not to enjoy. i'm called both even though that's not what or who I am.
14. I'm a very bossy person. I love to be in control, and when I'm not in control of my moods, I freak out. When I freak out, all I need is a soothing voice. No anger, no fear, just a soothing voice to calm me down to talk. and trust me, the words WILL flow if you take the time to hear what I say.
15. and last. I hate hate HATE people who don't take me seriously when I am coming off serious. I can laugh, I can cry, and I can live. If you don't like ANY of these traits, then maybe we need to re-think things.

Really? I've been an outcast for as long as I can remember and maybe it will stay that way forever. Everything anyone says or does affects me. For 2 years, from 3rd grade to 4th I was in constant fear of people talking about me behind my back. Fear. yes, a ligit ******** fear. I would try to get them to stop but they wouldn't because they were rich and they were popular.

If you think I won't go back to it, then you're sadly mistaken. So far, all you've done is been a burden. You've tried your harest to help, but now all you do is hurt and slay me. It's annoying, and I don't need it! I don't need to have someone who is only going to hinder me for being who I ******** am. I can have just as many true friends in my head.

If you can't understand anything about me, then why are we friends at all? Think about it, because if this means the end, then I'll be the one walking away with no ******** regrets.