lately, alot of s**t has been taking place. and lately, i've not been feeling it. if, a year ago-- maybe even months ago, you told me what would take place in the future... i might have relapsed merely thinking about it. but not now. now? i'm not at all sure. it's not quite numbness, and not quite apathy, either. then what do i call it? i'm not sure, but i think i like it. emotional pain has never been something i handled well, i'd choose physical pain over emotional pain any day. this way, i don't have to deal with it. but that's aside the point.
i think that maybe i've become...immune to things that hurt. i've been kicked around so often that lately it doesn't even phase me, when it should. overexposure creates apathy, right? right? but it isn't quite immunity. sometimes i feel things, just for a second. the heaviness of what was said can settle for a moment, it will settle hard on my heart, and it will hurt. but then, as quickly as it came, it will go away. then it becomes something for me to laugh at. i don't know. i don't want pity, i just want a break. i doubt that'll happen. i'd like to discuss it, but i'm never 'in the mood'. i don't want to think about it. and when i am in the mood, what should i say? i've no idea. and who would even care? it matters little, even to me. oh well.
i feel completely incoherent. i'll stop.
that's all.
Jin-kashrin Community Member 
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