I recently sat down to examine my life. I have gone through some things that have helped shape who I am. Some of these thing s were good. Others were tragic. I don't resent the bad things, and I relish the good things. I except that I would not be the person I am without these experiences.
Then, I think about some of the things I do. Not as in material thins such as band. I am talking more of my actions. I have noticed that I do things that would bug me if it were someone else doing them. I ask myself now if maybe I am hypocritical.
I have noticed that maybe I am a bit too clingy. Maybe I crowd people to much. I don't always take other peoples feelings into account. Take my Lord for example. I love him, and I want to spend every waking moment with him. Everytime I notice that he is on, I imediately pm him and comment on his board. Soon after that I ask him to meet me somewhere so I can actually talk to him. I havn't stopped to think that maybe he would like a few free minutes. Minutes he doesn't have to spend with me. Maybe every now and again he would like to spend some time with his friends.
I am a selfish person. I hate myself for it. Who am I to tell someone what they have to do? How can I sit here and be happy with myself when I think of no other but me. I want happiness in my life, but I don't think I am going about getting it the right way. I know that I won't ever truely be happy until I am willing to think about someone else.
I know that I am not the only person in the world who acts like this. The difference between me these people is that I know what it is that I do, yet I continue to go about my awful ways. What is wrong with me? Why can't I stop? Why must I go on in this selfish manner?
I feel like I owe everyone in my life an apology. I am sorry that I treat you like this. I am sorry that I think of myself before I think of you. If anyone would ever deserve this kind of treatment, it would be me not all the people in my life who traet me so nicely. Please try to find it in your hearts to forgive me for the crime I have made against you. I never consiously tried to bother you. I would understand completely if no one ever wanted to talk to me again. I would understand if everyone started ignoring me. I deserve it.
Honest to God, I am sorry for my actions. I will be better. I am aware of what I do and I will fix it one way or the other. I promise it will happen.
Walker Ambrose · Sat Aug 16, 2008 @ 06:03pm · 0 Comments |