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carve your name into my arm
[untitled]
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The night is beautiful. Evening, with its dusty blue skies, the sun casting shadows long enough to be night on the ground already. The world seems to glisten, like the stars have come out to parade the earth before flying up into their place in the sky.
The sunset, with the long rays of sun, the sky blushing pinks and oranges. The moon goes unnoticed through the sunset, but the moon is already there, waiting patiently in the sky. I prefer the moonrise to the sunset. A small marble of ivory, bathed in the satins and silks of the sun, almost suffocated, and out of its element.
And then the new night, with its skies oddly purple, the moon only glowing. Orange street lights wake up one by one, groggily blinking awake.And the smell... mm, the smell of dusk is... just what it should smell like. Fresh. Cool. A bit musty, even. The chill of night has begin to set on, but the warmth from the sun is still radiating from anything that can hold it.
That warmth soon fizzes out, around ten, eleven, and then the night sets on. Dark, rich, beautiful. Thick enough to swim in. The moon by now is radiating, so bright you forget that the sun has gone away, and it feels like you could do anything. The later you go on, the more beautiful it seems to become. You can almost feel the lights going out in the houses around you, the spouses snuggling up in bed, the children with their teddy bears hugged gently to their chest. And you, defying the spells of the stars, remain awake through all of it.
Three AM holds all your secrets. The night, by three, is just all black, with street lights lighting it up more than the moon, usually. You have to squint to see the stars. It's the time that no one is watching. It's sacred. Though it's a little lonely, it feels good. Because you know, somewhere, some kid is up with you. Maybe he's crying. Crying alone, and so taken with grief that he can't bear the thought of stopping. Or maybe he's like you, watching the night calmly, serene, unmoving.
But soon, you're back to dawn. The spirit of the night is gone, frozen over for another night. It's grey. Cold. Lonely. All it gives way to is the sunrise, which results in blazing heat and too much sun. But the night will come again. And the sun will set, and the moon will rise, and it'll all happen over again.
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User Comments: [6]
invalidxcharacter
Community Member





Mon Sep 08, 2008 @ 06:41pm


...
Your writing grows more and more beautiful.
Please teach me how to write like you do.

This, what you wrote, is just gorgeous.
Gorgeous, and very true... I understand and
relate to every word. I'm in constant awe
of you.


Ultra Sarah
Community Member





Thu Sep 11, 2008 @ 05:04am


V. nice.

Admittedly difficult to read, due to the small text. IDEA.

The critical side of me critiques:

I absolutely love parts of it, I really really do.
"That warmth soon fizzes out" to the end is great. Everything flows perfectly. I seriously think that the last half is super awesome. Not much to say about that, just praise, praise, lots and lots of praise.

Before that, though, not so much. It's not terrible, don't get me wrong, it's just not nearly as good as the second half. (I'm talking about flow more than anything, since this is pretty much freeform poetry.) I dunno what it is, because I'm no English major, but the first section just feels really broken up, like you couldn't settle down on a style. The pauses seem like they're in odd places and it's a bit disconcerting. (yes, that word has no place here, but I like that word and I want to use it)

Nice to see an entry from you again, nice to see your writing. I should post some of mine ... I've been doing "writing" writing more than "typing" writing recently. Just too lazy to do anything wit' it.

Also- got dnd 4 mostly figgered out. Wanta set up a game? You could meet gaming club. ^^ (not Sean though, I realllyyyy doubt he'd come)


Grind Mutant
Community Member





Sat Sep 13, 2008 @ 07:53am


lulz......me playing D&D.
That's like you landing trapeze with a yoyo.
Ω


Ultra Sarah
Community Member





Mon Sep 15, 2008 @ 05:00am


xD. Twenty percent of the time?


Grind Mutant
Community Member





Thu Sep 18, 2008 @ 01:26am


Sarah, I will die in a fight with an ice cream cone before you land trapeze one out of every five attempts! lol!


musicalfan
Community Member





Sat Feb 14, 2009 @ 08:28pm


Wow...you wrote this a long time ago. o.o

This is delicious, Sarah. x3 It's the kind of writing you read really really slowly and go: "Mmm~" And you know what? I'm certain your writing style now is even better than this, which is hard to believe.

Please write more! ^w^

I do have some suggestions, though:
-"The sunset, with the long rays of sun, the sky blushing pinks and oranges." This is an incomplete sentence. You need a verb to go with "sunset"
-There are some other wording things, but you can ask me about that later. =3


User Comments: [6]
 
 
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