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i need someone right now cuz im like looking at my life and totally questioning it, like is it worth it and stuff and i know thats not healthy and i shouldnt be thinking about doing the things that im thinking about right now but i am, and im pissed and scared and ******** miserable!
my mom just is never satisfied with me. imean im in a really hard school program here right, like the classes that i am taking are really hard, like they say on average about four times as much work and four times the pace of regular classes so they are really hard okay?? and im pulling lets see, 4bs and and 3 a's, okay, and thats good because most of the kids in my classes are failing bad with like, low, LOW f's and d's. my GPA is about 3.75 out of 4, okay, and thats ******** good you know??? and again im in a really hard course. and i have so much homework at night that i dont even have time for my art anymore. i havent drawn in four days. im going ******** crazy.
i feel like im not good enough for anyone anymore. all anyone wants from me is more, more, MORE! just....god! im trying so hard and all that anyone does is tell me how shitty im doing, but im trying really hard, i truly em, im trying my best and stuff, and for tests i feel like im not studying the right stuff even though im reading the chapter the teacher told me to, the questions on the test arent even related to what i read. im trying so hard and im drowning. the only things i have are my BF and art and school, and school has already drowned out my art imean i havent drawn in a long time, and now its gonna drown my BF out because ima have so much homework that i wont even have time to get on Gaia, and ill just flop in my bed and pass out and have the nightmares that i usually get at night, ill wake up the next morning and be tired cuz i got no sleep cuz of the nightmares and ill fail another test that i studied for really hard and then the test was totally unrelated. im drowning. that hole, the hole that iw as in and i was drawn out of. the hole that i survived. its slowly been getting bigger again, over the past couple of weeks and now that hole is so big now that i've practically fallen in. theres no room left for my feet. im trying so hard to not fall into the hole but its like somethings got me and is pulling me in and no matter how hard i fight i cant get away.
im so alone in this world. i feel like i have nobody. well i have Ray, and thats really the most comforting thing i have right now. but hes an hour away.
i think im dying. im not sure but i think i em. and that scares the s**t out of me.
im sitting here sobbing my a** off, and i just have nothing to hang on to. im isolated from everything. i have nothing. whats the point anymore? society is practically a**-raping me, using me to make money for them. they dont care about me, they just care what i can do for them. its true and all both know it.
I have a dream. im gonna change the world once i'm done with all of this bullshit society legality crap.
i just dont know if i can survive the trip. its killing me.
im totally freaked out i just dont know what the hell to do anymore. i need someone to save me but theres nobody close enough. im isolated, cold, alone, and dying, and theres absolutely nothing i can do about it.
anything. anyone. save me.

miss