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Dear Online Diary
Neutral in the End
I had a good time going to Samantha's advisory. Well, we went, and then left.
It was crazy hair day for the sophomores so I had purple hair. Samantha and I went to the girls' bathroom and I stuck my head in the sink washing it out when a girl walked in wide-eyed. It was so funny!

Samantha was all, "Oh, uhh she's kinda getting the purple out of her hair. Yeah."
She kept screaming it that the purple water looked like blood. "Dude, it's purple, not red."

I convinced her to go to Caitlyn's advisory. Once we got there I laid in front of the classroom. Yes, the door was open.

Once 3rd period rolled around I became extremely depressed and cried softly in class. I finally excused myself and left for the bathroom. I pulled out the pocketknife and started to cut at school. I felt ashamed. Once I had stopped I had gone to the other bathroom because the 1 I was in had no papertowels.

As I was washing up a girl looked at me, astonished. "Oh my god! What happened?" I glanced up at her and continued on with washing up my cuts. The girl started to laugh and went back texting.

I left that bathroom and went back to the empty 1 I was at and called Samantha. While she was driving over I had cut even more. She and I hung out in the same bathroom we were in during advisory. She talked with me. All of the sudden a friend of mine walked out of the stalls. She explained to me she had a miscarriage. Something I really didn't need to know.

I went back to class with about 7 minutes left in the period. During lunch I hung out with my girlfriend and another friend of mine. We just sat, talked, n' joked around.

Later, at home, after dinner, Prop 8 was somehow brought up. My ma said that 1 of my neighbor's, whose son is gay, has No on Prop 8 in his front yard. My brother, who's an a**, said he was gonna stick Yes on Prop 8 right next to the sign. He then started pounding his chest with his fists in my face. I was holding up my plate, ready to take it to the counter, when I got hit with his cruel joke. I set the plate onto the table. "I don't feel so good," I said as I ran down the hallway to my room.

There, I blasted Between the Trees -The Way She Feels. I was deciding whether to cut over my fresh, uncleaned cuts when I heard a knock at my door. I said nothing. I was too busy bawling. I was crying so hard! My dad opened the door gently and chatted with me. He made me feel so much better. My dad told me he talked to Nick for me too. My dad said he supports me and he's sorry for what I have to put up with. I'm glad I have my father in my life. I love my dad.

Today I went from mania to depression, to being horny, and back to depression.
Now I'm feeling a little in-between. Just normal I guess.





 
 
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