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Next time I feel like my feelings have been hurt and that I feel like I am being treated like s**t, smack me. Smack me hard.

I'm not allowed to voice my unrest. Bad things tend to happen when I do. If it was Jen, or Tiffany, or someone else, the backlash wouldn't be so bad. Which in itself hurts me.

Sometimes I wonder why I get treated differently than the others. Maybe its because I'm lower, or even by the offchance that I am higher.

Supposedly I hurt Alexia more tonight than when she got dumped by John. Though I am not mad at her, infact I feel bad, like I always do.

Maybe she didn't mean to hurt me, but with everything that has gone on, I could have sworn that there was some malicious intent. Jen saw it, along with a few others, maybe we were all wrong. But never once I was angry, I was bloody hurt. I thought I could get some answers, but looks to me that I was wrong.

I'd prefer to keep my friends, but do they prefer to keep me?

I'm not going to lick anyone's shoe in order to be a friend. That'd be taking away the little dignity I have left, and I'd prefer to keep that.

One could say that I hate myself. That's trie. I really do hate myself. I hate myself for saying something, I was better off feeling like s**t and occasionally crying over it.

I don't want this.

I'm tired of always getting this.

So yeah, it just hurts like a ********.

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