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Tomorrow is Halloween!

EEK! I'm so excited to wear my costume to school!
You know what sucks though? I have to do a presentation in French on Halloween.

All that I have planned is to go hang out with Caitlyn at some damn church thing.
If you know me, I'm not into the whole church s**t.
That's why we're ditching!
See, her dad doesn't really approve of our relationship so we sneak around.
Isn't that great!?

I cut again today.
I was doing so well, but I cut yesterday and now the cycle is starting again.
I'm even starting to get in trouble at school again; getting sent into the office, getting calls home, it's not fun.

I didn't want to cut.
It's almost as if I couldn't control myself.
I was going to class from the office. I didn't have the intention to go back to class, but not to cut either. I walked by a bathroom but heard people inside so I kept walking with my pocketknife and slip in hand. Making my way past a closed bathroom, I felt the urge to cut growing. I really didn't want to, but I had to. I didn't want to cry in English, my favorite class. If I just released the pain through the knife and into my wrist, it'd be gone. I'd be fine.

I found myself standing in a stall with a bloody wrist. It's as if I was in disbelief, like it never happened, or even came as a surprise. Maybe I knew I'd cut. I'm bullshitting you, I wanted to, I needed to. Sure I'm not happy of what I had done, but I did what I needed to do.

It'll heal, and I'll be fine.