I hate when I wake up. This pain of knowing that you are going to go on ignoring me cuts deeper than I would have imagined. Reality burns my peaceful thoughts, and scours them till they burn just as hot. My thoughts are no longer peaceful, they are dark and revolve around the way everything used to be. When I try to get over it, its like touching a pot on a burner... You touch it once then you know to never do it again. But obviously I am not this smart, I go on trying to get the thoughts of you of my mind, and the tingle of burning tears on my cool cheeks startle me out of it. Reality hurts, I wish I could sleep forever, because in my dreams the hate that you have for me dissolves and you treat me the way you used to. It would be an understatement to say I love you. I care for you so much that there are little other thoughts crowding my mind. I want to see you happy, yet in your happieness I do not exist. I assume it would be selfish of me to hope that maybe you have the same feelings for me... Selfish and stupid. I know you do not. I see the girls you are with. They are gorgeous, something I can never be, yet I try...
I dont stare at you like I wish I could... but I don't need to... I don't need to have my eyes on you to see that you are trying to will me off the planet... I'm sorry.... I truly am... and I wish that things could have gone differently... I had a plan, but that would consist of me being intelligent enough to create a time machine... not very likely... but I miss you, I really do... I want you back more than I have ever wanted anything, even if I could only have you as a friend... It would be alright. As long as I could secretly love you. I want you to talk to me the way you do in my dreams... I miss you Allen....
-Lauren H
I dont stare at you like I wish I could... but I don't need to... I don't need to have my eyes on you to see that you are trying to will me off the planet... I'm sorry.... I truly am... and I wish that things could have gone differently... I had a plan, but that would consist of me being intelligent enough to create a time machine... not very likely... but I miss you, I really do... I want you back more than I have ever wanted anything, even if I could only have you as a friend... It would be alright. As long as I could secretly love you. I want you to talk to me the way you do in my dreams... I miss you Allen....
-Lauren H
