It's been windy all morning, so I was just laying around in bed listening to it whistle through the trees, hiding under my sheet from monsters. They're all over the place now.
I want to be chilly to-day. I want to get off all of this sleep and make my hairs raise and wake up all my joints and let my skin breathe a little better.
And I want to share all of this wind with someone. I don't really see my friends that much. I don't think many of them are interested in me. But that doesn't change that I spend a great deal of my time feeling lonely.
And I'm... I'm still mad about --********, I don't even know how long ago it was. All that effort and planning and finally half the goddamn year... All it resulted in was me getting insult after insult. I just wanted to catch up, and... you know, actually HAVE FUN.
I had a horrible time. I didn't deserve that.
But... It does feel good to get this out. I haven't written in a long time because it makes me feel bad all over again. It's just stuff that I don't want to think about. That I force myself not to.
I want the wind to blow some more.
I have also been feeling some anxiety about going away to college. It's sinking in deeper and deeper that I'm going to be in an unfamiliar place with unfamiliar people. Me, I just feel I need just one security. Like, I wish that I knew just one person that I could go through this with. That knows me and knows where I come from. But I'm pretty sure all the people I know are applying to different schools than I. And all of the other artists I know... I can't really connect with. At Say Si, I'm just now starting to make friends in VA and like actually talk to people, but, like... I don't think they get me and I don't get them. At High School, people are cool but... Like, even Tess I feel too distant from. And like I said, not applying to the schools that I'm applying to. And there's Christa. I would love to go to school with Christa. We're like, totally on the same page and I'm going to genuinely miss her when I'm gone. I'm going to add her to the list of people I will absolutely write hand-written letters to.
So that would be: My Parents, Anna, Charlene, and Christa (and Eric).
Sounds do-able.
And I really think that will help. I know what everyone says, you're all in the same boat. You don't know anyone, but no one else does either. And you'll make friends like that. But I'm not worried about that. I'm pretty sure I'll be able to make friends. I just need that security, some connection to back home. Not someone who can only define me by what I am after high school. If that makes any sense.
Oy... college, college, college. I really hope I get accepted to Savannah. I want to take fencing. DX And they.... are the only school I'm applying to that offers it.
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Shiver Me Timbers
If you get this, I will love you FOREVER.
This is an orgy of everything I like! D: (minus Mexican Chicks. You can't have everything.)
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Fly Hue
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If you get this, I will love you FOREVER.
This is an orgy of everything I like! D: (minus Mexican Chicks. You can't have everything.)
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User Comments: [1] [add]
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I don't know if you still have my number, but give me a call anytime. I may be busy, but I can always make time to talk to you if you are having any kind of trouble.
(901) 489-1574