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In every relationship there's a "man" and a "woman." Even in homosexual couples, you can see which one is which.

In my relationship with Teresa, it seems like she wants to be the "man" of the relationship. She's the one that's emotionally distant, unaffectionate, acts tough, is the "mature one," doesn't like to get all dressed and dolled up, and likes to be in charge. I'm fine with that, since I'm a reactive person and adjust myself accordingly. Everyone knows I've always been envious of how girls have the easier side of the relationship. So I'm actually enjoying the change of pace a bit... for the most part.

But the thing is... I still have to be the man for the hard parts. I'm the one that pays for almost everything. It's at about $850 me, and $75 her. I've given gifts at appropriate times, but I haven't gotten anything. I understand that she's having money problems at the moment, with her job cutting hours a lot. But during the holidays when it was busy and she was making even more money than me, nothing. Tax return time is here, and she's getting around $6,000 back, but all she's planned are things for herself. I know you're not supposed to give, and expect stuff back (or it's not really giving). It's not that I want stuff back, relationships aren't business arrangements. But I mean... I'm sure you all know what I mean... you know... being the one who does over 90% of the giving is difficult. It's like I'm not special or good enough to deserve something.

I'm also the one who tries to make myself available and change my schedule or plans so we can have time together. I make myself as available as possible. So she doesn't want to be the girl, but doesn't want to take the responsibilities of the guy? As I said, I'm actually liking the arrangement where I get to be the relationship's feminine half, but I'm having to do both (and that's incredibly difficult and confusing). It's starting to look like a one-way relationship. I've been through that before, several times, and I don't want to do it again.

We aren't in love, so my heart is still open to reaction if someone comes by and sweeps me off my feet (yeah right, like someone would actually want some ugly dude like me that much). Neither one of us would get hurt if either one of us finds someone else. Milanka says she loves me, but my heart won't react to that because I know it's not true. If she really did love me, she would have gotten a divorce already. I've already been in a relationship with a married woman (R13S21 was married), and I believed her when she told me she loved me. But it wasn't true, it was all fake. I will never go through that again... ever! What about Lindsay? No can do, she's way too far away for anything between us to really work.

So, once again, I'm stuck and don't know what to do. I guess I'll just continue on as is, and see what happens. As gay as it may sound, it really does feel like I'm Rapunzel (just not beautiful like her). I'm all alone (emotionally) in a tower (two-story house).