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i think i am losing ground. it is like nothing is going the way is should, least of all my emotions.
i am headed to the point of burning out. how sad is that? i have a stupid small job and i am battered. ok so it is beging to resemble last year when i worked a school age program. i have not back up and i feel like i am losing my mind.
i have no direction. all i want to do is fall into a void or off a bridge. am falling. when will i hit bottom.
i feel no comfort i have no espcape. i can not even find a place to go in my head nothing stays.
why does every one leave? the nature of the universe is that nothing is perminate but still. why can't something stick. why can't someone stay for once! when is my happiness?
i am just at that place again. this i am being honest about. i am being honest right now. i am scared. that and utterly alone. i hate myself.
i hate that i have such self loathing.
how did i get here? this was not how it was suposed to be. i was supposed to be a well adjusted functioning adult.
instead i just want to fall of the world.
what happened? how did i get here? who am i? is this just how it is?
such a lack of comfort.